Stain
by LT2000
Summary: Bereft of acknowledgement, bereft of friendship. Uzumaki Naruto treads alone down a dark and desperate road, and has no intention of ever looking back.
1. Beginning

**Chapter One: Red Dragon**

Disclaimer: Naruto still isn't mine. Still not getting paid to write this, so on…

**Prelim Author's Note: Those who have read my other Naruto story will doubtless note that this work's opening scene is quite similar to the beginning of Nine Tailed Serpent. This is of course intentional, as the initial inspiration for this story came about when I started looking through NTS to attempt to overcome a persistent writer's block. Instead, I ended up with a whole huge list of things I would change about that fic if I were ever to rework it. It's been well over three years since I started work on that series, so I suppose that makes enough sense. **

**So, I've decided to do just that in an attempt to regain my missing 'spark.' Don't expect much in common with the plot of Nine Tailed Serpent as this experimental work progresses, despite the similar opening scene. Also, as a note those who will assume that I've abandoned NTS's sequel, I haven't and have no plans to right now. I need something else to work on for awhile, that's all. Spend three years and change writing one fic and one continuous plotline, and I can almost guarantee that you'll discover that burnout happens. I need to take a creative break from that story before the drive to write fanfiction sputters out altogether, so I'm doing this instead for now. That said, hope everyone enjoys.**

**Edit 8/10/09: Changed the story title to something (hopefully) a little less trite.**

* * *

The blond-haired teenager slipped down his goggles and crouched low on the metal staircase, smiling with greed and triumph through his pointed teeth as he observed the illegal transaction being carried out in near darkness on the pavement below. The gang representative and his customer were all set to make the exchange, while three armed goons occupied the narrow throat leading out to the streets.

'_Too simple,' _Uzumaki Naruto thought, reaching into his equipment pouch and pulling out three little balls as the customer reached into his pocket.

He reached his hand under the railing and dropped the smoke bombs to the ground. The drug dealer and his henchmen all snapped to attention as the balls clicked against the pavement, and exploded on contact. Thick, blinding gas poured into the cramped area. Naruto pulled out his kunai and leapt into action. The three thugs never even had time to make a sound, save their motionless bodies dropping dead onto the concrete, blood pouring out through slashed throats. He then tossed a weak Genjutsu over the area, to keep potential witnesses out.

The hapless drug addict was the next to go, as Naruto leapt onto the brick wall and threw his blood-drenched kunai down into the man's chest. The man let out a shriek and was sent hurtling backwards as the short throwing blade tore through his sternum. He hit the wall with a loud smack and lied there twitching. The thick bill roll in his hand came loose and rolled to a stop against the blond Jinchuuriki's sandal as Naruto hit ground level once more. The blond looked down, and his grin widened.

"Now that's what I'm talking about," he crowed into the smoke and reached down to grab his prize.

His bending over made the sword swing pass well above his head. The blond glanced up and saw the lead gangster's arm swing his weapon into the blinding smoke again, cursing with impotent rage as he couldn't see his target. The short teenager reached up and snatched the arm in both hands and twisted him to the ground with chakra-boosted strength, relishing the audible snap as the wrist broke. The smoke started to clear. Naruto kicked the dealer's weapon aside and leered down at him through his goggles.

"That wasn't too bright, man," he taunted, laughing at the doomed nothing who had dared to attempt to backstab a _ninja_.

Never mind that he was still a trainee, in the strictest sense.

"Fucking brat," the dealer groaned, nursing his arm. Naruto credited him a little, at least he wasn't bawling like a little kid. "You're gonna regret this shit! I'm a lieutenant captain in the Mita…," he hissed in a low voice, and the blond halted his pointless tirade with a hard stomp to the gut, driving out his wind.

"Pardon me," he cooed, reaching down and putting the man's own broken wrist to his mouth. "I don't like speak stupid."

The remaining smoke dissipated as Naruto picked up the rolled cash again and began to peel through it. The notes were all high denomination. Fitting, he thought, that his last heist would earn him so much. Tomorrow he would again have to take the Genin Exam in Konoha. He had passed the test twice now, and both times his prospective sensei had sent him back, held him back.

'_Poor teamwork skills, bah,'_ Naruto recalled the twice-used excuse with an embittered mental scowl. _'More like 'I don't want to teach the demon brat.''_

Yes, he knew. He knew that which Sandaime Hokage had gone to such laborious lengths to keep hidden. Rather, he 'knew.' He wasn't an idiot. He knew his birth date, and what had happened on that night. He knew that his stamina was inexhaustible and that his wounds healed in mere moments, no matter how dire. He knew that his chakra was without limits. He knew that he wasn't a normal child, and he knew that the people back home despised him with no apparent cause. He knew that he despised _them_ in equal measure.

He 'knew,' in short, what he was. That he was a living vessel into whom Yondaime Hokage had sealed the Nine-Tailed Demon Fox that had come so close to razing Konohagakure no Sato to ashes that ominous night. He had never met the beast, but he remained convinced that it resided somewhere within. Sooner or later, there would be an introduction made.

He also knew that he _had_ to pass tomorrow's test. _'A child's task,' _and this time he had to make it onto a team. He didn't have the strength as he was right now to do as he wished and there was no other option available, or at least none that he could stomach. He would grow in power and skill, and then when he was strong enough and the when time grew ripe he'd leave the shit-eating village behind him and never look back. Naruto would need all the resources he could muster to do that, hence all these little 'missions.'

He pocketed the stolen _ryo_ and leaned over to grab the drug dealer's case, inspecting the man's leather trench coat as he did. The blond opened the leather suitcase, and wasn't the least bit surprised to see that it was packed with enough opium to choke an elephant.

"Tsk, tsk," Naruto clucked his tongue as he snapped the case shut, "I don't believe what I'm seeing here. You could corrupt an innocent kid like me with these," he lectured, pointing down at the dealer as though he hadn't murdered the others in cold blood.

He almost laughed as the dealer reached his one unbroken arm into his trench coat and pulled a switchblade. Naruto raised the loaded case to intercept the unskilled slash at his neck and then swung it across to strike the opium dealer over the ear, knocking him out. He _did _laugh as he opened the case again and dumped the packaged contents out in a pile near the unconscious gang leader's head.

"Time to make an example," Naruto declared to the unresponsive bodies around him. "Drugs are _bad."_

Next on the agenda was the ritual gather-up, as the blond pulled out a storage scroll and set to taking and sealing up whatever he considered worth keeping but didn't care to lug around with him. There wasn't too much loot to salvage this time, save the gang members' weapons. He cleaned out the murdered goons' wallets and added the cash to his own. One guard had a gold ring, which Naruto took. The addict had nothing, leaving Naruto to wonder how in the Hell he'd gotten so much raw cash. He decided that it didn't matter, since the roll was his now.

"Now then," the demon vessel murmured, reaching into his gear pouch.

He hauled the unconscious dealer over to the piled-up drugs on the ground and pulled out an explosive note, and stuck the tag over his mouth and used chakra to seal it shut. He looked down at the man one last time, and then nodded and pulled his coat loose. The purloined garment was much too big, but that didn't matter. Naruto did a quick Henge and increased his own stature to match the trench and slipped it on. The blond inhaled and let out a sigh, appreciating the new leather smell as he admired his handiwork. He leaped into the air and ran up the wall, and clambered over the railing atop the building.

'_Kaboom,'_ the demon carrier sniped in his head and activated the tag, blowing both the opium dealer and his drugs to Kingdom Come.

The blast disrupted his earlier Genjutsu, and the explosion brought people on the streets below scrambling to the scene. Naruto used a basic concealment technique to hide his position and watched the gathering circus, and then waited until he had a clear opening to hop onto the sidewalk. He started walking down the block in the opposite direction, and removed his goggles once he'd cleared the roaring smoke. His stomach rumbled as he rounded a corner, not bothered in the least with the carnage he'd wrought.

'_That worked up an appetite,'_ Naruto thought, now in the mood to celebrate his biggest haul to date. _'Hope there's a good ramen place around here somewhere.'_

Naruto continued walking into the warm night, a little skip in his step. Tomorrow would happen tomorrow.

_**XXXXXXXXXX**_

"Listen," Naruto growled as the Chuunin pressed him up against the wooded wall next to Konoha's South Gate, "I've got an exam to take."

"Hmph. You sure don't resemble a cadet to me, _sir."_ the ill-tempered guard shot back, pulling the Henge'd shinobi's arms apart and reaching into his stolen trench coat. "You're too suspicious. Now shut the Hell up and don't pitch a tantrum, and this'll be over quick."

Naruto seethed, beseeching the Kami to grant him the patience not to butcher this bastard. He'd even shown his passport, though he'd neglected to drop his Henge as he approached Konoha. Now this asshole guard was going to search him and hold him up despite knowing _quite_ well who he was. Not like there was someone else with Naruto's whisker marks running around the village, and he'd kept those in his adult Henge.

'_This is all one big mother fucking conspiracy!"_ Naruto railed in his mind. _'Screw this place!'_

He tuned out the logical voice telling him that he'd dug his own grave, having spent too much time the previous night roaming about outside town, with the end result that Konoha's gates were closed when he'd gotten back, and he'd had no choice but to rent a room in a roadside motel. He knew better than to attempt to sneak into town during the night. He'd tried it once and had spent a miserable evening in a rank detention cell as a result. He still wasn't quite certain how he'd gotten caught that time.

"You wait 'till Sandaime hears about this…" the blond hissed.

The petulant threat earned him a smack behind the head, with the ringed end on a kunai, no less.

"I thought I said to shut up, punk," the older man growled.

Naruto bit his lip in anger and branded this career Chuunin's appearance into his memories, adding the guard to The List. Yes indeed, he'd be getting one patented Stink Bomb Bonanza later, as soon as the blond had leisure to accommodate him. Naruto's pranks were a rare sight in recent times due to more pressing concerns, but _this_ asshole...

"I'm clean," he sighed. "Now _please,"_ the demon container ground out, hating to have to plead with this cretin."Let me go to the exam. I'm running late as it is."

The gate Chuunin ignored him and continued rooting through his coat pockets. Naruto's irritation turned into dread as the man seemed to locate something, as he came to the harrowing realization that he hadn't checked through the stolen garment. He had no knowledge as to what might be hidden in there, and cursed his own thoughtlessness. However, the guard's interminable search was interrupted when a cat-masked ANBU kunoichi appeared in swirling leaves at the gate's entrance and marched right towards the pair, grabbing the Chuunin's attention. Naruto used the opening to slip loose.

"Let him pass," the woman commanded the guard in a deadpan voice, "Hokage's orders."

"But," the guard stammered, though it was too late. Naruto strode through the gate and into the village as soon as the plum-haired woman spoke. The Chuunin didn't dare to impede him.

He rushed through Konoha's streets, ignoring the cold looks and disgruntled mutterings he received as the villagers recognized him despite the Henge. Knowing that he still had a little time to spare until the graduation exam was set to begin, Naruto slipped into the ruined Uchiha District. He needed someplace quiet, and hoped that the lost clan's last remaining member wouldn't be lurking around.

The paranoid Naruto ducked between two buildings, grimacing as he saw dried blood plastered on a crumbling wall. Years had passed since the Massacre, and the signs still lingered. He shook his head and reached into the same pocket that the guard had been rummaging through when Neko-chan had interrupted his search. He palmed several small packets within, and knew at once what he he'd damn near gotten caught with.

'_Opium…'_ Getting caught with it inside the village walls would have landed him up to his neck in shit. _'That was a little too close.'_ Naruto's shit-eating luck would have it that the miserable creep he'd killed would have been a user in addition to dealing the garbage. Perhaps this was Karma coming back to haunt him. _'Then again, I did still escape.'_ He'd have to send Neko-chan a present or something.

He ripped out the drugs and hurled them against the bloodied wall. The tight packets ruptured on contact, raising a white powder cloud. He then did his own complete search, picking through the coat in excruciating detail until he was convinced that there was nothing illegal there. Naruto exhaled a relieved breath and ran a hand through his spiked hair, which was now soaked to the roots with cold sweat. He'd never, ever made such a perilous mistake, and he never would again.

Naruto stepped out into the deteriorated street and an ice-cold sensation washed over him. He got the distinct vibe that something in the Uchiha District didn't want him there, and he had no inclination to loiter. He ran towards the high stone wall enclosing the neighborhood and leapt over it in a single bound, landing back in Konoha proper. He'd heard the villagers gossiping about that place being haunted, but had dismissed it all as regular superstitious nonsense. Perhaps there was some truth to the rumors, not that it mattered to him. He never planned to return.

_**XXXXXXXXXX **_

"You're late, Naruto!"

Umino Iruka was still explaining the graduation exam protocol when Naruto strode into his classroom. The scarred Chuunin instructor noticed his arrival at once and chose to make the other students aware as well. The blond received some curious looks, but nothing more. He had skipped more lessons than he'd bothered attending this term and Naruto's classmates didn't know him too well as a consequence, and he didn't care to know them either. He'd long since learned what this place had to teach, and then some.

"I overslept," was the demon container's excuse, delivered with a careless shrug.

The remark earned some low chuckles and more than one contemptuous glare. Like Hell he was about to admit getting detained and searched.

"Sit down," Iruka ordered, shaking his head in exasperation, "and drop that Henge."

Uzumaki Naruto did not drop his Henge, but he did plop down into a seat next to Inuzuka Kiba, who grinned over at him through sharp canines. Iruka didn't comment and instead returned to his explanation. The blond paid no attention to the teacher. He knew the drill. He'd done this twice now. Iruka would call all the students out one at a time to another room, and each candidate would be asked to do a basic Kawarimi or something similar.

"Nice threads," Kiba complimented, pointing towards Naruto's new coat. The gregarious dog-nin could at least be counted on to be conversational.

"Thanks a bunch," Naruto replied and smiled back at the Inuzuka. "I stole it last night," he added, the vulpine grin sharpening.

"That's," Kiba started to speak and then paused, not quite sure how he was supposed to respond to such a blunt, incriminating comment. "Nice, I guess. Heh," his voice trailed into silence, and his little dog let out a low whine in concert. The blond wondered what Kiba might have said had he been even more honest and admitted that he'd murdered a man over the coat.

"Yup," Naruto drawled and leaned back in his seat while Iruka and the other class instructor, Mizuki, headed out to the examination room, calling down Aburame Shino to leave with them.

The bug wielder stood and headed towards the exit, acknowledging his classmates' hooting cheers with a curt nod. The room devolved into loud, incessant chatter as the instructors took their leave, removing all adult supervision with them. Prospective Konoha Genin spazzed out over the exam, speculating in groups about what the teachers might expect them to do. Naruto knew that the test would narrow down to three possibilities, but he lacked the meager compassion required to share his knowledge. The more people who botched this prerequisite test, the better his own chances would be to make a team.

"Ergh," Naruto let out a miserable groan under his breath, banging his blond head against his desk as two rival kunoichi candidates seated in the row beneath him launched into a heated, shrieking argument over who would be placed onto a team with Uchiha Sasuke.

Both girls were oblivious to the silent genius's contempt. Naruto willed the noise to leave his ears, with no success. Kiba then began to piss and moan in the next seat over, bitching in a loud voice about how the girls in their class never paid enough attention to _him_ and instead spent all their time mooning over 'Prince Sasuke.' This in turn drew both girls' righteous anger onto him.

'_Oi, I feel a migraine coming on.'_ Naruto groused in his head, _'worst morning ever.'_

"Quiet!" the returning Umino Iruka's shouting voice cut through the din, reducing the loud classroom to nervous silence.

The Chuunin then called Akimichi Chouji to take the exam. Shino didn't return, as the rules stipulated that those who had taken the exam were sent to another classroom, so as not to 'spoil' the test. Naruto and Sasuke both looked towards the door and gave the instructor identical relieved looks, and then the two adolescents noticed one another. Naruto leered over at the Uchiha, who snorted in disdain and reprised his previous 'leave me alone' position, resting his nose against his interlocked hands and glaring at his desk, prompting the blond to shake with laughter. Kiba was right, he _did_ look like a spoiled prince.

Regardless, the previous conversation remained subdued as Iruka disappeared into the hall again with Lard-butt in tow, as though the candidates were scared that getting on the instructor's nerves might somehow hurt their chances to pass. T'was total bullshit, but Naruto wasn't about to complain about the resulting peace and quiet. Pink-head and Loudmouth, as Naruto now dubbed the two would-be kunoichi in the row beneath his, had to settle their 'dispute' with a bitter staring contest.

The examination continued as such. The waiting room emptied one person at a time as either Iruka or Mizuki came back and called people out in strict alphabetical order. For Naruto, this meant that he'd have to wait until near the end to be allowed to earn his third headband_._ He wished he'd had the sense to bring a book or something. He had no interest in chatting with his peers and swore that the testing order was some calculated snare aimed at getting him to leave rather than have to put up with their continued presence, ignoring the little voice reminding him that it was standard procedure. Then again, his name might have saved his ass, had Neko-chan not bailed him out at the gate earlier.

Nah, he concluded. The bastards would've gone in reverse order had he not arrived at the precise moment he had.

"Uchiha Sasuke," Touji Mizuki's voice rang out.

Sasuke stood up in his seat and strode with purpose towards the door, as though this morning's exam was a monumental trial, something upon which his whole existence hinged. Naruto looked up upon hearing the name and watched the Uchiha leave, and realized that the waiting room was now deserted save him, Loudmouth and some other girl with purple hair. Gah. He hadn't paid much attention to the goings-on during the past hour.

"Kick that exam's butt, Sasuke-kun!" The blonde girl's shrill voice cheered. Sasuke ignored her.

Loudmouth then turned around towards Naruto as the door closed again and opened her mouth, but he had anticipated her and placed his head back down in advance. The blonde girl sputtered in indignation and hissed something about 'men' and 'rude assholes.' Naruto paid her no mind and cracked his neck and shoulders, and the subsequent minutes passed in slow, welcome silence. The door opened and Iruka-sensei poked his head in.

"Uzumaki Naruto," the scarred Chuunin called in a neutral voice.

"Yippee," the Henge'd blond grunted and prowled to the exit, "s'bout damned time."

"Let's go," Iruka ordered. "The examination room is…"

"…Around the corner and to the right, I know," Naruto interrupted in a chipper voice. "I've been there."

Iruka rubbed his nose in irritation, none too pleased with his 'problem student.' The pair moved into the hall. Naruto could hear raucous shouting and cheering in another room near their position. No doubt that the source was the room where all the brand new 'Genin' had been sent to celebrate and polish their headbands until the exam had concluded. He sighed with irritation, prompting the teacher to look over. The older man let out a breath in response to Naruto's careless, but still disgruntled expression.

"Yes, I've seen the records. This is the third and last time, Naruto," Iruka lectured, "No more second chances. You had better ditch that cavalier attitude right now. You'll never make it as a Konoha-nin otherwise."

The teenager's demeanor didn't change. He didn't need to hear this spiel, and it wasn't like Umino Iruka _wanted_ him to succeed. He hadn't missed the scathing looks that the man had sent in his direction on more than once occasion during those rare occasions he'd bothered to show up this term. This asshole teacher was a 'demon hater,' like all the rest.

"But I can't help it, sir," the blond teenager replied with a shit-eating grin that vanished in an instant. "You know, I love taking this exam."

To his credit, Iruka ignored the bait. He and Naruto rounded the corner, where the blond had to swerve to avoid colliding with Sasuke, who was now sporting a brand spanking new Konoha protector and headed in the opposite direction with his hands in his pockets.

"Congratulations," the demon container addressed the Uchiha survivor with a strange little twist to his lips.

Sasuke stopped and returned the strange look in equal measure. Naruto accepted the pause with unspoken glee, his particular interest in opening his mouth being to stall progress and needle Iruka-sensei with the holdup. The blond sent the teacher a sidelong look, and his bitter humor dissipated as he noticed that Iruka was observing the interaction between the two antisocial teenagers with ill-concealed surprise and not a little interest, but with no irritation at all.

"…Thanks," the sullen genius said back in a terse voice, pausing a moment to consider his next words. "Good luck with the exam," Sasuke added, brushing past Naruto and Iruka.

Now it was Naruto's turn to be surprised. He hadn't expected, or even wanted a response.

"Bah." The Jinchuuriki grumbled under his breath, not bothering to turn towards Sasuke's retreating back. His epic scheme to slow progress and irritate Iruka-sensei even more hadn't panned out. He shook his head and strode towards the examination room.

'_Third time's a charm,'_ he mused as he opened the door and entered, Iruka a step behind.

_**XXXXXXXXXX**_

Several minutes later, Naruto was ascending the concrete steps leading to the Academy's rooftop with a new Konoha headband tied around his neck like a dog's collar. He'd passed the exam with ease, as expected, and had then decided not to bother with going into the assigned waiting room. He knew the drill. Even as he emerged, he could hear the noise below as the graduates streamed out through the main entrance and into the school grounds, where their parents and siblings and whoever else were waiting to greet them.

The scene sent him spiraling into an irrational temper, even though it was nothing he hadn't expected to see. Listening to some proud mother promising to cook her son a huge celebration dinner reminded Naruto that _he _had no-one waiting at home to make him a damned thing, and not a soul standing down there to congratulate him. No, his portion would instead be cold stares and disgruntled mutterings.

"Home," the blond parroted under his breath, the singular word tasting all too bitter on his tongue, "ha, right."

Konoha wasn't home to him, and he had long since doubted that it ever would be.

Naruto craned his neck over the railing, watching as two graduates pointed towards their new engraved headbands and made excited conversation about their coming exploits as Konoha-nin. He decided that he'd heard just about enough and prowled across the rooftop to leap down into the worn outdoor training grounds behind the school, opting to leave while the urge to pull a Momochi Zabuza (he'd swiped and read the village's Bingo Book while in the Hokage Tower not too long ago) on his overenthusiastic classmates remained somewhat under control.

Naruto's parting thought as he sprinted across the grounds and somersaulted over the Academy's low perimeter wall and into the streets outside the building was a wish that he hadn't expended his last smoke grenade on last night's mugging. The blond was still almost sick with rage as he landed in the shaded road without a sound, hot blood pounding in his ears and his vision stinging. His 'extracurricular activities' were meant to keep his occasional impulses in check. Not this time, it seemed.

"Fuck," Naruto growled in frustration, resting his face in his hand as his previous run slowed to a stumbling canter.

The demon vessel clutched against his brow as he tried to dispel the inexplicable anger, but with little success. He shook his head and saw crimson in his peripheral vision. Blood had spattered onto the concrete. He looked down at his hand, and saw with something between dawning horror and amazement that his nails had somehow lengthened and sharpened and were streaming liquid red with Naruto's blood where his 'claws' had ripped deep into the tissue surrounding his left eye.

'_The Hell is going on here,'_ Naruto wondered as he staggered towards an abandoned shop window, his skin hissing and sizzling as his innate regenerative powers healed the accidental wounds.

His reflection validated his budding suspicions. His whisker marks had deepened and razor sharp teeth canines peeked out through his lips. His eyes were stained blood red and glowing, pupils changed into black slits. He looked like a wild beast. Naruto swore once more and punched through the window as another wave of hot anger tore through his guts. The glass sliced into his hand, and once again the wounds healed over at once.

"Fuck," Naruto barked out again, this time in a much louder voice.

He turned towards a large ceramic pot sitting on the pavement outside the shop and pulled up the lid. Naruto dunked his spiked head into the cold water, not caring in the least that it belonged to someone else. The cool liquid helped to soothe the pulsing heat inside him, though the rapid change in temperature made him a tad nauseous as well. He grimaced with irritation when something hard poked into his side, and then pulled his head out when whatever it was hit him again. He managed to glimpse his reflection in the rippling water as he turned, and was relieved to note that he had returned to 'normal.'

Naruto cracked his neck and leered over his shoulder, and saw an old civilian woman glaring right back at him with a walking stick in her hand. Either the window breaking or his loud swearing had drawn her attention. He shook out his hair, causing cold water to land on the newcomer. For a moment, the hag seemed taken aback in response to Naruto's appearance under his 'older' Henge, but the surprise soon turned to consuming hatred as realization dawned.

"Pah," the woman harped at Naruto, "it's _you. _I'm not surprised, such an ill-mannered miscreant. Run on back to the sewers and leave us honest people alone," she shrieked.

He wouldn't argue that he wasn't a miscreant, or an ill-mannered bastard, but he'd never met this old shrew to his knowledge. That meant that her apparent problem with him had more to do with him being the 'demon brat' than with his actual misdeeds. Naruto did so hate ignorant villagers, and a vindictive idea sprung into his mind. She seemed to hate him with a passion. Her expression told him so. The obvious conclusion was that she'd lost someone dear to her during the nine-tailed monster's rampage, a spouse or a child

"Dear me," a laughing Naruto crooned at her. "Now, let me think_._ Your husband tasted like chicken," he mocked with a cruel grin, smacking his lips. "Or else it might've been lobster." He rubbed at his chin, as though deep in thought. "I can't be expected to remember each individual person. I'm quite sure he was scrumptious, no matter."

The bitch wanted to see Naruto as the monstrous Bijuu and he would indulge her prejudices this time. Forget treading on the proverbial thin ice, he was dancing the Kankana all over it and couldn't have cared less. It was liberating to talk about his special condition, to accept it and let the world know that he knew what he was. He continued to leer at the grieving widow, and licked his lips as though savoring her loved one in his mouth. Naruto's deception was reprehensible and he knew it, but he couldn't be bothered to spare compassion towards a bitter shrew who would like nothing more than to see him in his grave, and then piss on it.

"You," the widow sputtered, apoplectic with rage and indignation, and Naruto knew that he'd struck the mark. "You hell-spawned animal…"

He saw her arm twitch to raise her stick before she could even acknowledge the impulse. Naruto's kunai appeared in his hand, the movement so quick that it might have seemed like magic to an untrained person. The blade pressed against her wrist, and Naruto shook his head in the negative.

"Don't," the Jinchuuriki commanded in a serious voice, his taunting mirth gone and replaced with cold resolve.

Naruto could ignore the cold glares and muttered insults, could deal with being cheated in Konoha stores and could sometimes even tolerate the rare direct verbal abuse. He would not, however, overlook being assaulted. That the blond could evade this brittle civilian hag's pathetic attack while hogtied was immaterial. The moment the widow tried to strike him, Naruto _would_ slaughter her where she stood and the Hell with the consequences. His naked killing intent gored into her soul, causing her to tumble onto the pavement.

"Heaven will punish the evil!" She shrieked, scrambling back to a standing base and hobbling down the road. "You wait and see, demon!"

He didn't bother to answer, knowing that he'd won the battle. Naruto stood in place with his arms crossed and watched as his antagonist disappeared into another building, lips pulling back to reveal a crooked smile as he heard the wooden door lock behind her with a low click. The blond continued down the street, malice and rage still simmering beneath his skin. There could be no benevolent God, or Heaven, or else a helpless newborn would never have been made to shoulder such a burden. Thus, Naruto was sure that no divine retribution was ever coming in his direction.

His brisk walk sped into a run, and he leapt atop the nearest building as he neared an intersection. Naruto then started towards the village outskirts and into the woods and his personal training grounds, intent on handling his pent-up aggression in the best manner he knew.

_**XXXXXXXXXX**_

Sarutobi Hiruzen gazed into his magic ball, using his Telescope Technique to observe Naruto as the blond moved with practiced ease through the woods, channeling his inner Mitarashi Anko in that trench coat. The old Hokage had witnessed the entire altercation between the raging Jinchuuriki and the civilian. Sandaime was disappointed with both sides, but was more concerned with Naruto's appearance prior to do. Not so much the Henge that made him look too much like Minato, though that too was an issue, but the 'demonic' traits that had 'materialized' in his unexplained anger. Hiruzen would now have to recall Jiraiya to examine Naruto's seal, a task that the Third didn't savor.

Even more worrisome was that Naruto had _seen_ the changes to his appearance, and hadn't seemed surprised in the least. That, in turn, implied that the Genin knew, or at least suspected, something about his true nature. The gravest implication was that some imbecile had violated the Third's gag order and had told Naruto what he was, but the lad was likewise clever enough to put to puzzle together on his own given enough individual pieces. Hiruzen supposed that it was natural that Naruto's Jinchuuriki traits might start to materialize on their own as the blond grew older and stronger, and there remained the horrible prospect that he was tampering with that monstrous power on purpose, and without proper training or supervision.

The Hokage gazed into his ball again, and saw that the blond had reached his intended location. He knew Naruto's routine well enough, and knew that the Jinchuuriki would massacre his own shadow clones until he was bloodied and exhausted, which would take hours due to his unnatural stamina, and then bathe in the shallow river near the deserted grounds and hunt out somewhere to rest until morning.

Naruto almost never used his provided apartment inside the village proper, electing instead to live on the land and sleep wherever he desired. These wild habits no doubt added to the contempt that Konoha's residents held towards him, and vice versa. Sandaime Hokage was more than a little alarmed, and even more saddened, to know that Naruto would choose to live outdoors like an animal rather than 'have' to spend time inside his village. Damn them all. Not that Naruto was an innocent victim either.

"Perhaps this too, is the Bijuu's persuasion," the old man wheezed, loading more tobacco into his pipe.

"Hokage-sama," a woman's voice spoke in an stoic tone. The Hokage bit down a curse as he glanced up at his stationed ANBU guard, Uzuki Yugao, not realizing that he'd voiced his thoughts aloud, or that she'd entered the room during his preoccupation. For a person in Hruzen's position, such a lapse in attention was ridiculous.

"Mmm," Sandaime answered her with a grunt, peering back down into the ball.

"You appear troubled," the plum-haired swordswoman elaborated.

"Naruto," the Hokage sighed in a tired voice, as though the name alone explained the entire situation.

It did. She glanced towards the glass ball, and the Hokage could tell that she was interested in what was happening, but didn't dare to examine it without his permission.

"Not again," Yugao deadpanned, sounding about as exasperated as the stoic woman could. She remembered the morning's incident at the gate.

"He'll be out training in Site 41 now," Sarutobi told his cat-masked assassin. "You will please shadow him and make sure that he remains there. I haven't the time to deal with him right now."

The woman nodded in acknowledgement and disappeared with a hand seal. Hiruzen noted her slight apprehension, and understood it.

The Hokage removed his hat and relit his pipe as unwelcome memories returned. Site 41 had once been Orochimaru's private haven and outdoor training center. The pale-skinned serpent summoner had despised other people and, much like Naruto now, had spent as little time inside the village as he was able, even prior to the man's regrettable descent into human experimentation. Following Orochimaru's disappearance, Site 41 hadn't been reassigned, as no Jounin dared to risk being 'contaminated' with the madman's residual presence.

Naruto had stumbled onto the place during an excursion into the woods, and had more or less requisitioned it without permission. Sarutobi had made no move to stop him upon learning about this, knowing quite well that the Jinchuuriki needed someplace to unleash his pent-up rage in private. The Hokage hoped that Naruto's moving into a location that Konoha's most notorious traitor had once inhabited was a mere coincidence, and not a portent.

"Gods preserve us otherwise," Sandaime spoke aloud again as he watched Naruto duck a kunai barrage and close in on his ANBU-armored shadow clone with blinding speed. The Jinchuuriki then slammed an atrocious chakra-empowered straight punch into the clone's intestines, shattering its replicated armor with a blow that would have reduced a living person's entrails into bilious ooze. The 'ANBU' dispersed upon contact.

Naruto kept at his murderous routine, looking all too much like a blood-crazed, sadistic Namikaze Minato while wearing that blasphemous Henge. Hiruzen would have liked to have believed that the Jinchuuriki was behaving in mere ignorance, attempting to look more like he might as an adolescent, but the Third Hokage couldn't. Uzumaki (Namikaze) Naruto _was_ cruel and depraved enough to prance around the village in Yondaime's guise in order to provoke civilians and shinobi alike, hoping that some villager would dare to make a direct hostile move so that he would have the legal right to retaliate.

"No," Sandaime said as the blond took to the trees to avoid a massed clone rush, "that's not right either."

Hiruzen took a draught on his pipe and amended his previous thinking. Naruto seldom moved to antagonize the villagers, and he didn't like to pursue trouble on his own accord. He never backed down when it came to him either, but the Jinchuuriki never instigated problems, and would much rather have his ignorant tormentors leave him the Hell alone. Perhaps Naruto hadn't even considered that his latest Henge would be quite so provocative. The Hokage would regardless have to have a long conversation with the Genin come the morning, when he had time in his schedule. Sooner or later, some stupid person _would_ press his or her luck and Naruto's control _would _snap, and there'd be a massacre that _would have_ to end in Naruto's death. The Third Hokage was determined to prevent this.

Sarutobi dispelled the image in his ball as a gentle knock sounded at the door. Sandaime looked over towards the clock on his wall, his old and tired gaze passing over Minato's photograph as Hokage, which hung between his own portrait and Shodai and Nidaime paired. He wondered what the Fourth would have thought about his son, and Naruto's hostile relationship with Minato's beloved Konoha, and he pondered which obligation Yondaime would have chosen in Sarutobi's present position. The Third concluded that Minato would have been able enough to serve both his son and Konoha, and his aged predecessor and successor wished that there were more that he could do in his stead.

"Enter," he called, shaking his head to dispel the countless ghosts and demons swimming in his thoughts.

"Please excuse me, Hokage-sama," a bespectacled Chuunin spoke, opening the door and standing in the entrance. "Instructors Iruka and Mizuki are waiting to discuss this morning's Genin Exam results."

"Mmm," Hiruzen grunted again, savoring another draw on his tobacco, "good. Send them in now."

Now awaiting the Hokage was the ever cumbersome work associated with hashing out rookie team arrangements, placing Konoha's latest crop (Naruto) into balanced three person cells, and then the later meeting with the prospective Jounin sensei to pair the rookies with proper masters. Tomorrow, he would have to handle the never-ending Naruto situation, again.

'_I'm getting too damned old to keep shoveling all this horseshit,'_ Hiruzen griped in his mind, wishing that he could voice the complaint.

_**XXXXXXXXXX**_

Naruto parried the incoming sword strike with his kunai and used his other hand to grip hard onto Number One's wrist. He created his simulated 'assassins' in the usual ANBU squadron sizes. Five masked doppelgangers in each wave, with each clone girded in combat armor and armed with ninja blades. The blond liked to give his hapless targets armor so that he would have to land a 'real' hit in order to 'kill' his practice opponents, as opposed to being able to disperse a normal shadow clone with a glancing love tap.

"Heh," he laughed, "good thing I can't use a sword worth shit."

He twisted Number One's arm behind its back and shoved it towards the ground, but saw his mistake as he exposed his back with Numbers Two and Three soaring overhead and reaching into their equipment pouches. Naruto grinned and heaved Number One onto his naked back, and ran across the wooded clearing as the other two clones hurled shuriken at him overhead. Number One's combat armor absorbed the metal stars, and the blond reached the trees and dropped the clone, slashing its throat with a kunai to disperse it. He ran through hand seals and waited until Two and Three landed and rushed at him with killing swords drawn. The two clones anticipated Naruto's plan and skirted aside. His exhaled wind gust struck little except more air, and the two doppelgangers closed and impaled him in the sides with their blades.

The Jinchuuriki looked down at the two swords plunged into his lungs, and then licked his lips and exploded into smoke. The two pretend ANBU stood in place with swords stuck deep into a wooden log, and the real Naruto sauntered out through the dense trees behind the armored pair and sheared them both into oblivion with a wind burst. Neither had suspected a thing. Their memories told him so upon assimilation.

"Three down," he crowed.

He crowed, and then Number Four stepped out behind _him _and unleashed a wind burst into his back. The shearing gale slashed his back open in places and kicked up dust and leaves along the ground, making the trees shudder.

"…I _might_ have deserved this one," Naruto couldn't help but admit in a grudging tone as he was sent reeling through the air.

The shirtless Genin clawed and swiped at the air as he sailed across the clearing, hoping in desperation to grab onto something. There was nothing within his reach, however, and he instead crashed headlong into a spruce tree. The rough bark ripped his skin open upon impact.

The dazed and bleeding Naruto reached out to coil his arm around a drooping branch as he began to slide down the ruined trunk. The blond exhaled a breath and started to pull his weight up when a sandal heel pressed down onto his elbow. He glanced up as a rough hand wrapped around his throat, and into his mirror image leering down at him with naked glee and triumph as Number Five aimed its sword at its creator's head and prepared to kill. The Jinchuuriki lunged as the clone's blade descended. The sword bit into his shoulder, but didn't hit a vital spot.

"Let's not get all smug now," Naruto barked in a rasp, knowing that the smartest thing to do at this point would be to dismiss the clones and take a breather.

His ego wouldn't tolerate it, couldn't bear the smugness that he _knew _he'd have burned into his memories when the clones dispersed. He wanted to _win._ He reached over and hammered his other arm into the branch that the Number Five was standing on. The rotting wood splintered and the limb came loose, sending Naruto and his double plummeting to the ground.

'_Oh, this is so going so suck,'_ the demon container knew.

He was right.

The landing hurt the original more, with both the wood and the armored clone's considerable weight driving him into the earth, while the sword-wielding doppelganger remained unscathed. The dirt irritated the bleeding wounds on Naruto's back, causing him to wince, but he mastered the pain and shoved up on the broken branch, creating enough space to stand again.

Naruto seized the initiative and used the clone's surprise to tackle it into the pine. The armor absorbed the impact, and so the doppelganger didn't disperse, but Naruto shoved his latest victim down towards the earth and drove a vicious knee into its skull, crushing its head into the tree trunk. The clone's sword clattered to the earth, where it too exploded into smoke and reverted to the kunai that it had been prior to the exercise.

Naruto imagined the gore that would have splattered onto him, had the shadow clone been a real person. That was the one problem with this training method. His shadow clones didn't _bleed._ Their bones and organs didn't shatter beneath his blows. Naruto's 'kills' earned him nothing more than a lame pop and a little smoke, never enough to sate him.

The blond looked around the silent Site 41, knowing that there was still one more Kage Bunshin lurking somewhere. Naruto rubbed at his chest where the tree limb had crushed him into the earth, knowing that he'd have a deep bruise, but also that it'd be gone in an hour or so. He heard a rustling in the bushes and glanced over, grabbing the dead clone's kunai and twirling the weapon in his hand in anticipation. He then spat in irritation as a long snake slithered out into the open, sampling the air with its tongue.

"Fuckin' snakes," Naruto groused, running his hand through his hair.

Naruto had long since noticed that these grounds were teeming with snakes. He didn't mind their presence most times, since the creatures avoided human contact as much as possible and never bothered him. That meant that this one's behavior was odd, as it was moving in his general direction, almost as though the serpent was attempting to remain inconspicuous.

It didn't work. Naruto waited until it came close enough, attempting to circle behind his position, and then stomped onto its angular skull. The snake exploded into smoke an instant later. Number Four's deception didn't pan out.

"That's a wrap," Naruto declared, hurling the kunai in his hand into a circular target mounted on a large pine near where his coat and shirt were hanging on a training post.

Then, as though the Heavens were protesting his proclamation, another ANBU-garbed Naruto clone appeared via Shunshin behind him. The original stared at the clone through narrowed slits and titled his head to the side. There shouldn't have been a sixth. He had never known his clones to make extras, though he had no reason to believe that it wasn't possible. He brought his hands together in a seal, and then took a step backward.

"You're not a," he started, and then his revelation was cut short when a crippling shock ran through him, stopping his sentence cold.

The 'Naruto' closed in with insurmountable speed, and the blond would have been helpless against it even without whatever Jutsu had numbed his muscles. The clone swept Naruto's legs out, and then redirected and drilled him in the chest with a quick thrust kick to send him crashing back into the same tree he'd hit earlier. His teeth gnashed together in pain as the unhealed cuts marring his naked back were shredded open again. Naruto hadn't even to shake the resulting cobwebs out when a sword's tip pressed into his hairline.

The blond raised his chin to glare up at the unexpected extra attacker, and the point dug in a bit deeper, not hard enough to hurt him or even to draw blood, but enough to send him a clear warning. The other Naruto then shimmered and the attacker's appearance melted, revealing its true nature. The Jinchuuriki sucked in a long breath as recognition hit.

"You lose," a woman's voice deadpanned, dragging the blade point against his skin, the motion gentle enough to tickle him.

'_Show off,'_ he thought without malice, noting that she'd used a Genjutsu to conceal her real appearance when a mundane Henge would have done as well.

"You must be so proud, given how awesome I am," He shot right back, matching her blithe tone. "I mean, I'm a _Genin."_

He didn't even need to look at the porcelain cat mask attached to the tall, slender kunoichi's hip to know that she was the ANBU who had bailed his rear out earlier that morning at the gate with that piss-ant Chuunin. Long, deep violet hair contrasted with pure milk-white skin, and slanted cheekbones gave her a subtle aristocratic appeal.

Yes, Uzumaki Naruto was going to have less than wholesome dreams tonight.

"It's impolite to stare," Neko-chan looked down and chided Naruto, adding a slight mocking undertone to her voice. The katana point retreated and returned. It was beginning to get on his nerves, even though it was obvious that she was prodding at him in a lighthearted manner, rather than attempting to be malicious or cruel.

Given his situation, he still didn't think it was wise to point out that it was a whole lot more impolite to attack someone without provocation.

"You could execute me right now," Naruto breathed out instead, chuckling as though the idea were absurd. "Y'know, save the village and avenge the Fourth and all that garbage."

Naruto had again mentioned his burden, this time to someone who could and would report it to the Hokage, and again he didn't care. He knew she'd caught the slip and all it insinuated as well. Neko-chan's brows rose in intentional 'surprise,' or so he assumed.

"I could," the ANBU agreed, and poked him again, this time sticking her sharp pointed thing into his neck. _That_ made him scowl. This game was now getting old, and quick. "I suppose, then, that it's quite providential that I never met Yondaime-sama, and that I serve the Hokage's interests alone and not Konoha's."

"Must be nice," he said, wishing he could turn his head but unable to due to the blade pointing into his neck.

Naruto was sore tempted to reach out and push the intruding weapon aside, but knew that it would be a capital Bad Idea. The spooks in ANBU sometimes tended to practice a samurai-esque obsession with their killing instruments, though it varied among members. Touching Neko-chan's sword without expressed permission would be a quick route to getting maimed or worse. He didn't have to, as it turned out. She removed her blade and sheathed it in a single seamless motion, perhaps sensing that his patience was nearing its limit.

"There are some perks," she agreed with his earlier statement and reached down to grab her mask. "You should get cleaned up. I'd hate to see those wounds become septic."

Now that he was able to stand, Naruto did so and looked down at his chest. He was caked in dirt, sweat and both dried and running blood, and the blond imagined that he reeked to high Heaven. He looked back over towards Neko-chan, but she was gone without a trace. For a long moment, he wondered whether he'd been hallucinating and had imagined the meeting.

"Nah," he spoke to the air and ambled through the trees towards the river, deciding to heed her advice.

Naruto reached the muddied river bank and dove into the water without the least hesitation, not even bothering to remove his khaki trousers. He reclined back, letting the rushing water cleanse him. His Konoha headband bounced up and down, and the blond reached back and untied it, holding the engraved plate up into the setting sun. He spied a nick in the blue cloth where Neko-chan's katana had made a shallow cut. He decided that he wouldn't mend the notch. Naruto dipped his spiked hair under the water and stared up into the blazing red skies.

Things were going to work out this time around. No more bullshit, no more excuses.

**End Chapter One**


	2. The Team

_Naruto reached the muddied river bank and dove into the water without the least hesitation, not even bothering to remove his khaki trousers. He reclined back, letting the rushing water cleanse him. His Konoha headband bounced up and down, and the blond reached back and untied it, holding the engraved plate up into the setting sun. He spied a nick in the blue cloth where Neko-chan's katana had made a shallow cut. He decided that he wouldn't mend the notch. Naruto dipped his spiked hair under the water and stared up into the blazing red skies._

_Things were going to work out this time around. No more bullshit, no more excuses._

**Chapter Two: The Team**

Disclaimer: Naruto still isn't mine. Still not getting paid to write this, so on…

* * *

Naruto stood atop the water, his muscles tense with anticipation as he awaited the inevitable attack. The river bed beneath him was littered with stainless steel caltrops, so losing his balance on the moving water would be quite the unpleasant experience. His regenerative abilities didn't mean that it didn't hurt like Hell when he did get hurt, and Naruto was no masochist. Still, there was nothing quite like pure, excruciating pain to motivate someone to excel.

The blond, now back to his 'normal' appearance, knew that he looked ridiculous, running in place in the river and clad in nothing except his boxer shorts and headband. He also knew that it didn't matter, as no-one ever came out this deep into the wilderness. Except Neko-chan, it seemed, though he now imagined that the Hokage had ordered that little interruption to last night's routine. Naruto still hadn't made a decision as to whether or not his unexpected guest had been welcome. The blond never liked being bothered during his training. On the other hand, she _was _smoking hot.

Naruto's patented 'Sitting Duck' drill started out with a bang, as the shadow clones placed along both river banks began hurling kunai and shuriken at their creator in the middle. The unarmed Jinchuuriki used pinpoint wind Jutsu to redirect the countless incoming missiles, and dodged and ducked to avoid others, all the while having to mind his placement on the rushing water lest he incur even nastier wounds.

"Guh," he grunted as a live shuriken came spinning a little too close, slicing a clean line into his thigh.

No blunted training weapons here, sir.

The sudden shock caused Naruto's tight-wound concentration to lapse, and as a result his leg plunged down into the river. He never could get through this routine without getting hacked to ribbons, not that it mattered in the long run. The blond cursed aloud and did an awkward cartwheel on the moving liquid to avoid the sharp caltrop sitting underneath his leg, and spun back up in a low crouch. Naruto earned several extra grazing wounds in his prone position, and plucked out a kunai with his right hand as it whizzed past near his head. The demon container's quick Henge changed the short blade into a long spear.

"Boo! Hiss!"

"You punk-assed cheater!"

"Goddamned chicken shit…"

The shadow clones standing on both banks stomped and heckled Naruto in loud voices, as he'd broken the 'rules.' The blond whirled his new weapon, knocking aside the bladed missiles with surprising ease considering that he'd never even wielded a spear. The Henge wouldn't hold up against too much pressure, but it seemed to be getting it done now. Naruto ignored the taunts, concentrating instead on the approaching person, who made no concerted attempt to conceal his or her presence. The clones ignored the newcomer altogether.

Though he was able to maintain his positioning on the water, his lapse in concentration nonetheless cost him. Some impetuous clone chucked a kunai at Naruto's back. He didn't react in time to avoid it, and the blade sunk deep into his right shoulder. The blond had managed to dodge enough so that the kunai hadn't struck his spinal cord. Naruto had no idea whether his regenerative abilities could handle something like that, and he had no interest whatsoever in ending up a paraplegic.

"Fucker," he wheezed, shouldering his Henge'd spear to reach back and rip the kunai loose. "This means _war,"_ he promised under his breath.

He whirled back quick as a striking adder, and threw the kunai back at its owner with all his chakra-boosted strength. More than that, he'd added a little something extra. The kunai punched through the clone like paper and continued on through a tree behind the luckless doppelganger, at last stopping in another tree behind that.

"Oh, ah do so _love_ wind chakra," Naruto gloated aloud.

He then hurled his spear across the river and used Shunshin to outrace the weapon to the muddied bank, where he caught it in his hand and dispelled the Henge to turn it back into a kunai. The gathered clones rushed to escape the weapon's range, or perhaps to escape its wielder. The manic grin on the bloodstained Naruto's expression meant but one thing.

Yeah. Killing time.

The clones on both sides swarmed onto the river and gathered into a single shouting horde, to make Naruto come to battle where he would be at a disadvantage. He didn't have to move a muscle, as it happened. The approaching intruder made his presence known, as the Third Hokage strode out behind the trees to stand on the bank next to Naruto's position.

"Good morning, gramps." Naruto said with a leering grin, waving to Konoha's aged leader. Sarutobi didn't respond, staring out into the swarming clones.

Meanwhile, Naruto's opponents reacted to Sandaime's sudden arrival like a captain-less pirate crew, as the scene atop the river devolved into pure chaos. The Jinchuuriki couldn't help but laugh aloud at the scene, as the clones' location had become so appropriate. The phrase 'up the creek without a paddle' came to mind. The Hokage brought his wrinkled hands together to make a seal, and the clones all seemed to pale en masse. The poor intimidated clones dispersed on their own, choosing to vanish rather than battle the Third.

Naruto stared into the churning smoke cloud that now hung over the river.

"Ehehe," the blond let out a deprecating laugh, embarrassed at the outright cowardice 'he' had shown the Hokage. "Gee whiz, I sure hope that doesn't happen again when I get into a real battle."

Not that Naruto could blame the clones _too_ much, considering the alternative. The old man didn't share in his amusement.

"Still keeping with these barbaric training methods, I see." Sandaime grunted, continuing his deliberate hand seal sequence without pausing at all. "You're going to end up hospitalized or worse at this rate, Naruto."

Sarutobi's hand began to glow with soothing green chakra as he completed his Jutsu. The Hokage reached over with his other arm to grip onto Naruto's unhurt shoulder and spin him around, with a strength that a clueless observer might have been surprised to see in a man his age. Sandaime then pressed his glowing palm against the bleeding wound on Naruto's back, and the healing chakra repaired the deep lesion in an instant.

Naruto hadn't known that the Third knew medical Ninjutsu, but he wasn't too taken aback. The Hokage was rumored to have mastered _all_ the techniques in Konoha. The old man didn't heal the minor scrapes, however, no doubt deciding that Naruto deserved to live with those inconveniences until his own regenerative abilities dealt with them. The Hokage instead walked over to the water's edge and looked out over the river.

"You didn't have to do that," the blond told the one person in the village that he held genuine respect towards.

This wasn't a wise statement to make.

"Rest assured that I will not next time." Sandaime replied in a curt voice. "I see precious little reason to spare concern on a reckless brat who doesn't seem to give a rat's ass about his health."

Naruto and Sarutobi both knew that this was an outright lie, and that the Hokage would indeed help the Jinchuuriki next time, whether he needed it or not. Sarutobi was the sole person in Konoha who seemed to care about Naruto's well-being, and the Third visited him whenever he was able, which in recent times was much less often than either would have liked. Sarutobi had taught Naruto the Kage Bunshin, and various other tricks he knew.

"Fine, I'll stop." Naruto promised, knowing that he wouldn't keep it and that he'd be right back here tomorrow morning getting turned into a pincushion again.

Not tomorrow perhaps, seeing as he had to go and meet his newest team then. Naruto was now curious as to what the old man wanted with him this morning. These grounds were _way_ secluded, so he knew that the meeting wasn't a coincidence.

"You'll no longer have the time to engage in these pursuits." Sandaime countered with a knowing grin and Naruto walked over to stand next to him, squishing his toes in the wet mud. "Your new duties will see to that much, Genin."

"I've still got to make it onto the team." Naruto said with as much cheek as he could muster. "Let's hope I don't get another crooked Jounin this time," he added, interlocking his hands behind his back and tiptoeing through the shallow water.

He was 'hoping' a whole lot this morning. The Hokage didn't appreciate the deprecating remark aimed at his elite shinobi, and pinned Naruto with a withering glare.

"That's _enough._ Your two previous sensei were not biased, Naruto." Sarutobi snapped at his charge. "Their assessments were on point. Your teamwork skills are appalling."

Naruto's expression soured. He didn't like it when the old man criticized him, as the Hokage was the one person whose opinion he respected and whose remarks he couldn't ignore as being malicious and biased. He could never understand what the Third expected him to do, couldn't grasp how he was supposed to work with people who were still mucking about in the mud while he could soar through the air, so to speak.

"You _could _still give me an apprenticeship." The blond wheedled. "There wouldn't be a problem then."

Naruto hopped into the air and did a somersault, and then landed on his hands atop the river. He then started to hand-walk on the rushing water, sometimes doing cartwheels and never sinking below the edge. He was making a point, showing the Third that he could handle these acrobatics when the other Genin hadn't learned even to tree walk. For all his impressive moves, however, Sandaime didn't seem impressed with the show.

"Har har," Sarutobi gurgled, but there was precious little mirth to be heard in the old Hokage's tone. "You'd like that, I'm sure."

"I sure would." Naruto retorted, audacious enough to believe deep in his heart that he merited special treatment.

He would never understand Sarutobi's, and Konoha's, obsession with teamwork. Real power was being able to accomplish things without needing help. He knew that other Hidden Villages trained their Jinchuuriki to be living weapons, and Naruto wished he'd received the same. He knew that there was a clear contradiction in his wanting to other people to train him so that he could never need other people, but he didn't dwell on bad logic. He'd gotten to where he was now almost on his own, at least.

"Not happening." The Hokage closed the discussion. Naruto wasn't disappointed, knowing that he wasn't ever going to convince the old man regardless. "Now then, Naruto, I would like to discuss…"

Naruto was listening to start with, but his attention lapsed when something similar to Heaven assaulted his nose. The blond lost his balance on the water and plunged into the river, soaking his arms and head. He leapt back out and landed on the bank, shaking his hair out like a wet dog. That wondrous aroma was coming closer.

"I smell delicious ramen." He declared to the world, pointing into the woods.

"Lunch is served." Sarutobi replied, this time with genuine pleasure.

Even as he spoke, an ANBU stepped through a spot between the trees bearing a basket loaded up high with piping-hot Ichiraku goodness. Naruto rubbed his hands together with impatience. Sandaime reached out and took the basket, and the blond couldn't help being a little disappointed that it wasn't Neko-chan..

"Your meal as requested, Hokage-sama." The masked shinobi deadpanned, no doubt a little disgruntled with having to do a menial task like this.

The Fire Shadow nodded in acknowledgement. Naruto in his splendid mood couldn't resist the urge to ham things up a little.

"You know how I like double pork in mine." Naruto threw back his head and crowed as he popped open his Char Siu Ramen, turning to the Third. "I hope someone checked it to make sure it was made right." He then examined the ramen and smacked his lips with a nod. "Flawless. Excellent work, waiter."

Naruto couldn't help but be a little disappointed when the masked sentinel didn't rise to his mocking, though the demon vessel could tell that he _so_ wanted to. The blond snapped his chopsticks and took a bite. The stewed pork melted like butter in his mouth. Ichiraku ramen was the greatest. Nothing else could even begin to measure up.

"Naruto!" The old man hissed, though he didn't seem_ too_ mad with the adolescent Jinchuuriki's cheek.

"Hah. I'm kidding. I'm _kidding."_ Naruto laughed as he raised his hands in a surrender pose and waved them, swinging a noodle around between his chopsticks.

"Mm," Sandaime grunted, shaking his bald head. Naruto continued eating, shoveling his meal down with starving gusto. "Dismissed." He motioned to the waiting ANBU.

"Sir." The elite shinobi saluted and disappeared with a Shunshin.

Naruto slurped down the lone noodle still dangling on his chopsticks as the man vanished into the woods, headed back towards the village proper.

"That was _awesome."_ Naruto doubled over and looked over at the old man, who wasn't pleased with how much malicious pleasure his adolescent charge was taking in another man's degradation. "Incredible. Stupendous. I want an ANBU to deliver me ramen all the time."

He did. It was almost enough to make him want to be Hokage again, like when he was a little kid.

"I'm glad to hear that I merit such excessive praise," Sandaime deadpanned, though the Hokage's sarcastic tone was lost on Naruto. "Eat." He gestured back towards the meal.

Naruto didn't need to be told twice. He went right back to work on his deluxe double pork ramen, shoveling more into his mouth with each bite than a normal person could handle and then slurping down the broth with one long chug and then a burp. The old man watched the blond eat while nibbling on a pork bun, and let out a shudder when Naruto's tongue slithered out to collect the lingering soup on his lips.

"Fan-tastic." Naruto sighed with glee, patting his stomach.

Nevertheless, the gluttonous Jinchuuriki reached out to swipe a meat bun and a canned iced tea. Right as he grasped the steaming hot bun, Sarutobi's chopstick descended onto his hand and pinned it against the grass. Naruto stared down at his predicament.

'_Not this shit again,'_ he groaned in his head.

"Now then, Naruto-kun," Sandaime addressed the puzzled Genin, "since we've eaten our meal, it's time to have a little chat."

Naruto tried not to wince, recognizing the Hokage's expression as his 'serious business' look, which tended to mean bad things on the horizon whenever the blond saw it aimed in his direction. He was about to receive a severe tongue lashing, he surmised, or worse.

"I didn't do it," Naruto said in advance, knowing that he'd gotten busted on something and that in all likelihood he _had_ done whatever it was.

He twisted his thumb and pushed the chopstick aside. Naruto's hand then wavered a moment as he made sure that he wasn't going to be 'attacked' again, and then grabbed his prize. He crammed the piping hot bun into his mouth.

"I happened to witness the altercation with the widow, Naruto." Sandaime stared at Naruto as the Jinchuuriki's lips pressed into a consternated line, causing his whiskered cheeks to bulge out due to the chewed-up bun resting in his mouth. Sarutobi tried not to laugh at him, but didn't quite succeed.

He was right, busted.

Fuck the old man's magic ball and its all-seeing powers. Naruto wished he had one. He'd put it to much better use than snooping on Genin, he was sure.

…Like snooping on the women's baths instead.

"The old bitch started it!" Naruto sputtered as he replied to the Hokage, almost choking in the process. "You know she did!"

"You appeared quite willing to escalate the situation." Sandaime sent right back. "That little spat, however," the old leader continued without giving the irate blond a chance to retort, "is not what I've come here this morning to discuss. I'm here to talk about the moments leading up to the argument."

Oh. That.

The Hokage wanted to talk about the red chakra, but hadn't mentioned Naruto's little problem. For whatever reason, Sarutobi had never told him that he was Jinchuuriki. Naruto wasn't mad, though. The Third had to have his own reasons. He decided not to make this long overdue discussion harder on Sandaime than he had to. He owed the old man that much. Naruto admitted that he knew the truth, dismissing the awkwardness.

"Ha," Naruto laughed, popping the top on his iced tea. "Right, I was glad to see that the Nine-tails gave me _somethin_g. I'd hate to have gone through all this bullshit and then have nothing to show. That would suck ass."

"You weren't supposed to know." Sarutobi said in a quiet voice, his guilt and concern palpable, along with his anger. "Tell me who leaked this knowledge, Naruto."

Naruto drained his tea in one long chug and crushed the can, looking into the air and pondering the question. The blond was no dunce, and the old man's harsh tone made it rather obvious that he'd placed a strict gag order on the whole Jinchuuriki business, and had done so a long time ago. He had guessed that much a while back in his own right.

Naruto tried to think back and recall all the dimwitted people who had outright labeled him as 'demon' or 'monster,' or who had alluded to the business in low whispers as he passed them on the street, not even considering that he could hear them. He tried to narrow his mental list down to the ones he'd most like to see put to the sword over their mean indiscretion, knowing that violating a Hokage's decree came with a death sentence.

"…No-one told me." Naruto leaned back against an old log sitting near the river bank as he answered the question at length. "I mean, the clues are all there. I was smart enough to put 'em together, that's all."

Naruto might have hated the villagers and knew that a proper investigation would have held him in the right no matter which one he threw under the wagon, but the old man loved his people without condition and it would have wounded him to have to put a Konoha citizen to death. For the Hokage's sake alone, the blond chose to let this one pass.

"I see." Sandaime rasped, and Naruto could tell that the old Hokage didn't quite believe his explanation, but was nonetheless relieved to hear the answer. "You must promise me never to cultivate that power without supervision, Naruto," he warned. "I will arrange the proper help as soon as I can. The danger is much too great otherwise. That demon must _never_ be loosed upon our world again."

"I wouldn't even know where to get started." Naruto replied, unwilling to commit to a promise that he had no intention to keep on a matter as serious as this.

Power like that demanded to be harnessed, _existed_ to be harnessed, and he didn't want someone else placing limits on what he could do with _his_ power. Still, he was being honest about the situation. The blond hadn't a clue as to how to tap into the Bijuu's power on his own. The two reached an unspoken agreement to leave the issue at that point.

From there, the conversation stalled. Sandaime was content to relax and appreciate the natural world, as he had little chance to do as Hokage. His position kept him cooped up inside the village almost all the time. Naruto couldn't even imagine it. He'd go stark raving mad within a month, he was sure. He smelled tobacco smoke and turned to see the Third placing his lit pipe into his mouth. Behind him, a snake slithered past into the trees.

Naruto hated to disturb the old man's much-deserved peace, but the dark thought lodged like a poisonous thorn deep into his heart and he had to get it out. There was no helping it now, not now that he'd come too close to losing it.

"You know, that miserable old hag tried to beat me." Naruto gazed out over the river as he spoke. "I'm not gonna sit back and take shit like that."

The Jinchuuriki didn't dare to admit the extent to which he might have gone even though he believe that it was his prerogative to strike back when provoked with violence. He also knew that the slaughter wouldn't have stopped with the widow. He didn't care on either account. The old man stared at him, still smoking his tobacco, not looking the least bit shocked with where this was heading. Naruto thought that perhaps the Hokage had considered this idea as well, perhaps even in more depth than he had.

For a moment, he wondered whether the Third would strike him down right on the spot. Naruto made no move to prevent him.

Sarutobi took a drag on his pipe and exhaled the smoke into the morning air. "You know I cannot allow shinobi to harm villagers, Naruto."

He did. Naruto knew that Sandaime was the Hokage above all else, and that he would protect his people no matter what, or _who_ it was against. He understood it and he didn't resent it or even care. He still had his own pride, though. He would never voice this desire, but he hoped above all else that the old man would end him in person and with his own wrinkled hands, should push come to shove. More than _being_ killed, Naruto worried about some no-count loser being the person to put him down. Real shinobi all died in combat sooner or later and such was inescapable, but _that_ would be unbearable.

"Uh huh," Naruto mumbled in an absentminded manner, leaning back onto his elbows. "Even so, I ain't some mongrel to be kicked. I'd rather die a man than live like a dog."

He wasn't _quite _certain about that sentiment, but it sure sounded cool.

"You're quite right," Sandaime wheezed, removing his pipe and tipping the hot ash out into the mud. "You are not an animal." The Hokage then reloaded his pipe and continued in a sage voice, as though lecturing to a student. "You are a Konoha shinobi and under _my_ protection. I do not excuse assaults upon the warriors who serve our village either."

Naruto said nothing in response to this well-meant harangue. He didn't appreciate the old man's suggestion that he was supposed to appeal to someone else to protect him, not to mention the ludicrous, though correct in a sense, notion that he now 'served' Konoha.

"Do not descend to their level," Sarutobi concluded when it became clear that Naruto was not going to answer. "You claim to be superior to those ignorant villagers, Naruto. Now prove it to me. Leave this sordid business alone, and trust me to uphold our laws as Hokage."

The blond resisted the urge to pout. Sandaime _had _to challenge his ego like that. Now he had no choice but to heed the old man's directive. Naruto would have called the Third Hokage a cheater had he dared.

"Sure thing." Naruto arched his back and stretched out, letting out a groan as the action made his toes tingle and sent a pleasant heat through his muscles. "Let's hope I can remember all that when the time comes."

"Let's hope that time doesn't come at all." The old man lit his pipe and resumed smoking.

Naruto answered with a noncommittal hum. The more the blond thought about it, the more he thought that it'd be quite an awesome thing to see the Hokage kill someone on his account. Naruto liked the idea to the extent that he might be willing to tolerate some limp-wristed civilian landing a cheap shot on him to see it come about.

"Yo, old man," Naruto called out as Sarutobi stood up to leave, content with having made his point and reaching a proper understanding with the teenager. The Jinchuuriki threw his legs up and sprung into a standing position, and waited until the Hokage looked back in his direction. "Show me how to do that healing palm Jutsu."

"You don't need Medic-nin skills." Sandaime shook his head in the negative and made to leave again, shaking out his sleeves.

Naruto wasn't prepared to give up right there and marched along behind the old man.

"You never know. I might have a wounded comrade sometime on a mission." Naruto plucked at Sarutobi's heartstrings without hesitation or shame, determined to get his private lesson now that the idea was there. "I want to be a proper teammate, that's all."

He didn't have to wait long to get the answer he anticipated.

"Fine." Sarutobi relented. "You'll come back to the village and assist me with this morning's paperwork while I explain the mechanics behind the Jutsu."

Naruto's urge to do a little dance wilted with these conditions. Gah, paperwork...

"You drive a hard bargain, sir." He wavered a little but didn't mean it.

"Take it or leave it!" Sandaime snapped back, but was likewise kidding…somewhat.

Naruto cringed in response to the harsh tone, exaggerating the gesture. The old man looked down at him and chuckled and then strode out along a wooded path that led in Konoha's direction. The blond Jinchuuriki waited a moment but then scrambled up when it became obvious that the Hokage wasn't going to wait on him.

"Hold on gramps, I'm coming too!" Naruto howled into the distance, grabbing his coat as he broke into a sprint behind Sarutobi.

He didn't bother to notice that he was still clad in his underwear.

_**XXXXXXXXXX**_

Late the next morning, Naruto strolled through the Genin Academy's main gate to receive his newest team assignment. The blond glanced around and spied several other new graduates lurking around outside, looking excited about the coming event. For his part, the Jinchuuriki looked up and stuck his tongue out at the painted wooden sign that marked the Academy entrance, content with the knowledge that he'd never have to walk into _this_ accursed place again, no matter how things turned out with this new team.

The other kids pointed and whispered as he passed. No doubt his underwear parade the previous morning had spread around Konoha, as most less than wholesome things involving him did. He made good gossip, at least. Naruto ignored all these moronic mouth-breathers as he did their elders, entering the building without a word.

Naruto paid little attention to his surroundings as his legs carried him through the halls. He didn't need to think about where he was going, having long since memorized the route. Thus, he almost collided with someone as he rounded the bend to head into Umino Iruka's classroom. The corners in this building were treacherous he decided. The blond remembered that he'd almost plowed into Uchiha Sasuke in the exact same spot during his graduation exam.

This time it was an adult kunoichi and a _very _curvaceous one at that. She was talking to Mizuki when Naruto encountered her. Her quick, seamless reaction as she turned about to look at him let the Jinchuuriki to peg her as a Jounin, which put him on his guard in an instant. Naruto then noticed something interesting as he tried his damnedest not to stare at her large breasts, which proved to be quite the arduous task. Her wraparound dress didn't leave all that much to the imagination.

'_Red eyes…' _Naruto observed in silence.

Between Neko-chan and this total babe, the blond couldn't help but wonder where Konoha was hiding all these smoking hot kunoichi that he'd never even seen them until now.

"Pardon me, ma'am." He attempted to slither past the unknown woman and Mizuki and move into the classroom, scowling a bit in response to the latter's condescending smile.

The older woman regarded Naruto with a scrutinizing look and his limbs seemed to turn into metal so that he was more or less rooted in place. Even pushing chakra into his legs made it no easier to walk, so he gave up the attempt and remained where he was. He knew that the Jounin had to have done something strange to him, as there was no chance in Hell that a scrub like Mizuki could have gotten the drop on him.

He had about _had it_ now with unknown people putting random Jutsu on him.

"Please do excuse his rudeness, Kurenai-san." The instructor exhorted in a light voice. "Naruto-kun here had no parents to raise him so he can't help lacking a bit in etiquette."

Naruto boiled inside as he tried to raise his leg and would have launched a mule kick right into Mizuki's groin had he been able. _That_ was a low shot. He didn't mind the usual insults, but he hated when people brought up his orphan status. The Jounin said nothing in response to Mizuki and continued to appraise the teenager with pursed lips.

The Jinchuuriki took a moment to consider his present plight and came to a sudden realization. Naruto chomped down hard onto his lower lip. The sharp pain dispelled the minor Genjutsu he'd been placed under, and his limbs lightened again. Naruto's tongue poked out and gathered up the blood oozing down towards his chin.

"Better than lacking a whole lot in _talent,"_ the blond hissed through a dangerous sneer as he spat the accumulated blood and saliva down onto the teacher's shinobi sandals.

Mizuki looked down at his bloodied shoes and then glared back up at the teenager with a murderous expression. For his part, Naruto instead looked to the Jounin, who nodded and motioned him on towards the classroom in a dismissive manner. For a moment, the blond imagined that this 'Kurenai-san' even appeared the slightest bit impressed with him.

He went without as much as another glance to Mizuki. Naruto had too much riding on his position here to risk losing it all over a career loser like him. He did stop near the room to look back at the Jounin kunoichi, who now had her back turned to him. He hoped he'd be placed on _her_ team. He'd love to have Kurenai-sensei give him some hands-on discipline.

"Take a hike, Forehead Girl!" Naruto heard a girl's high-pitched voice screech as he reached the door. He didn't even need to look to know the score.

Loudmouth and Pink-head were at it again, this time raging at one another amidst a huge crowd. From what Naruto could guess, at issue this time was the prized unoccupied seat next to where Sasuke was sitting in silence. The hapless top rookie looked to be meditating, but the blond could tell that his mind was quite all there and seething with irritation.

"Not a chance, Ino-pig!" Pink-head shouted back, shaking her arm in righteous indignation. _"I'm_ sitting next to Sasuke-kun!"

He was right, as usual. He even pitied the Uchiha. Naruto knew that he was ranked lowest in his class because he never _attended_ class, and he knew how Konoha decided its rookie teams. Top rookie and dead last got put together, which meant he was a virtual lock to end up in the same cell as Sasuke. Naruto decided that it was time to do a little premature team bonding.

He could be a good teammate, when it suited him.

The blond spied two unused seats in the back corner near a window and a brilliant idea hatched in his mind. He ambled into the room and took his seat, unnoticed amidst the prepubescent rumpus. The Jinchuuriki made a quick hand sign and sucked in a low breath. He puckered his lips and cheeks to compress the air and waited until he had a clear shot.

'_There we go.'_ Naruto took aim and blasted the low-pressure wind bullet at Sasuke, reaching into his equipment pouch as he did so.

The compressed air struck the Uchiha below the ear, grabbing the other Genin's attention in an instant. Sasuke's head whipped around to glare at Naruto, who grinned back and held up the stink bomb in his hand, gesturing with it toward the bickering horde and extending an unspoken invitation to move into the seat next to his own. Sasuke arched an inquisitive brow, and then shrugged and stood up.

The blond let out a low chuckle as he placed the gas grenade onto the ground underneath his desk and nudged it with his sandal. The little ball rolled into the chattering group's midst, and not a one noticed due to their preoccupation with their precious Sasuke. Loudmouth noticed the Uchiha's abrupt departure and moved to question him, but it was much too late then. Naruto remote detonated his special homemade bomb with a covert hand sign as Sasuke prowled over and sat down next to him.

The grenade activated with a hiss and putrid-smelling vapor poured into the room. The mobbing kunoichi were at Ground Zero. Naruto put his head down onto his desk and quaked with mirth, pounding his desk amidst the shrieks and screams. The other graduates rushed to pull open the windows, and Inuzuka Kiba howled curses all the while. Naruto supposed his enhanced canine senses would make the stench unbearable.

He thought it was hilarious when Kiba retched out the window onto the grounds outside.

"Idiot, now it's coming over here." Sasuke spat as he opened the window next to him.

Naruto blinked, glancing back over to see that the noxious haze was indeed gravitating in his and Sasuke's direction.

No matter.

"Relax," the Jinchuuriki retorted with a pointed grin, exulting at the havoc he'd caused. "I'll handle it."

Naruto sat up straighter and ran through a more seals, and exhaled a harsh breeze that pushed the oncoming rancid mist back in the direction whence it had come, right into the poor hacking kunoichi. He sure hoped no-one choked to death over there. This time, however, his merciless antics didn't pass without notice.

"Thanks a lot, asshole!" Pink-head wailed at Naruto through the napkin covering her mouth as more windows opened on their side.

"Language," Naruto chided in a singsong tone. "Sasuke doesn't like girls who swear."

The blond turned towards the Uchiha in hopes that Sasuke might support his taunt as Pink-head choked out an indignant scream that availed nothing except making her inhale more vapor and retch. Naruto instead received a calculating stare.

"That was elemental Ninjutsu," Sasuke stated in a suspicious voice and crossed his arms in an expectant manner, as though demanding an explanation.

"Yup," replied Naruto as he leaned back in his seat.

He had little desire to elaborate, and was spared the need to when Iruka came charging into the classroom in a panic, no doubt having heard (or perhaps smelled) the commotion. Mizuki entered a step behind, and both teachers started demanding explanations. Mizuki looked right to Naruto. The blond was quite sure that the Chuunin suspected him, but also knew that Mizuki could prove nothing unless Sasuke snitched on him. The worst he might get nailed on otherwise was using the wind Jutsu, and that amounted to nothing. Naruto had more than a little experience in troublemaking and knew the little nuances.

"Outside!" Iruka-sensei barked and pointed out towards the Academy's training grounds.

The demoralized graduates picked themselves up and trudged in a slow, disorganized horde through the halls and out into the grounds. There was no escaping the smell, however, as the vapor had clung to their clothes and skin. During the short trip Iruka launched into a raging diatribe about proper shinobi conduct and other menial things that Naruto didn't much care about and paid no attention to.

The blond reclined back in the tall grass when Iruka told the class to halt, making sure to pick a choice location upwind, and blinked in surprise when a shadow passed over him.

"Hi there." Naruto didn't need to look to see who it was. "Nice weather we're having," he added, as though the two hadn't been sitting together a moment earlier.

"Hn." Sasuke sat down without deigning to respond to the pointless comment, no longer in a mood to converse.

Owing to the smell, Iruka skipped the preamble when it came time to announce the teams. For once, Naruto gave the scarred instructor his undivided attention. People whose names he didn't know and didn't care to know were placed onto three-person cells. Ho hum.

"Team Seven," Iruka called out. "Uzumaki Naruto, Haruno Sakura and Uchiha Sasuke."

No surprise, things had turned out as he'd predicted. Good thing he hadn't gassed Sasuke alongside his overzealous cheering section. The Jinchuuriki craned his neck to take a glimpse at his new teammate, and saw that Sasuke was staring right back at him. He could have done a lot worse, he supposed. The top rookie was talented and a sight less irritating than most people the blond had come across in his time here. The Uchiha nodded as he concluded his 'inspection,' as though deciding that Naruto passed muster.

Such an honor.

Pink-head – Sakura he guessed her name was as Iruka had said so – was looking over at Naruto and Sasuke now. Staring at a less than pleased Uchiha at least, and blushing like a ripened tomato. The blond waved back at her in an exaggerated manner, causing the kunoichi to glower and turn her head to the side. Harsh.

Naruto gave a sharp-toothed grin and turned back to regard Sasuke. "I think she wants me."

"You can have her," the raven-haired Genin retorted in a scathing voice, and the blond knew that it wasn't due to sour grapes.

The demon container pulled a kunai and twirled it around his thumb. "I'll pass," he said. "I'm not into girls like her."

Naruto didn't elaborate on the point, and Sasuke didn't seem interested in hearing it. He paid no heed as Iruka continued to assign teams, not caring in the least about the other platoons. The teacher at last dismissed the graduates to go to lunch with orders to return in an hour to meet their Jounin sensei, advising them to eat with their new teammates. No-one listened to him, as almost all the Genin were more interested in rushing back home to bathe and change clothes.

For his part, the blond planned to go sit somewhere nice and quiet…and puncture holes into his guts with a kunai so he could heal them over and practice that neat-o medical Jutsu he'd learned during his paperwork session with Sandaime.

"Uzumaki." Sasuke's voice cut into his thoughts as he prepared to leave.

"Yar," was Naruto's unintelligible response.

"Let's get something to eat," he muttered in a terse voice, as though struggling with the idea.

The Jinchuuriki tapped his chin and pondered the unexpected invite. His instinctive reaction was to decline, as he would sooner be boiled in rotten chum than have to patronize the village. On the other hand, doing that would no doubt insult Sasuke, who he needed to remain at least on neutral terms with at the moment so that this team could get past its post-graduate exam.

Besides, he couldn't help being interested to see how Konoha's gossip whores would react to their little golden icon slumming with the village pariah, and even harbored a morbid hope that it would tarnish Sasuke's impeccable reputation a little.

"You're treating," Naruto stipulated in response.

Interested, perhaps, but not to the extent that he would volunteer to hit his own wallet.

"Fine," Sasuke agreed, quite ignorant to how much the blond could eat in a sitting.

Naruto grinned again and tossed the kunai in his hand over his right shoulder, where it sailed through the air towards a training doll hanging on a tree limb behind him. The missile cut through the ropes and sent the doll plunging to the ground, and then hit the limb above and bounced backwards to impale into the mannequin's head as it dropped.

'_Damn.'_ The blond let out an appreciative whistle, admiring his handiwork. Cutting the rope had been intentional, but the subsequent rebound shot was sheer coincidence (and perhaps the coolest mistake he'd ever seen).

Sasuke's right hand clenched as he stared in shock at the downed training mannequin. For some reason, Naruto's miracle throw seemed to bother him. The raven-haired Genin pushed a slow breath out through his teeth and shook his head.

"C'mon." The Jinchuuriki spun the Uchiha around and started walking towards Konoha's market district.

The now reluctant Sasuke crammed his hands into his pockets and trudged along behind him.

_**XXXXXXXXXX**_

Hours later, the blond was reclined against that same tree, his legs popped up on the mannequin as he munched on a chocolate bar and perused the Gama Sennin Jiraiya's novel, _Tales of a Gutsy Ninja. _Their Jounin master was late, whoever he or she was. Naruto had been more than a little disappointed to see that the gorgeous Yuuhi Kurenai had been assigned to another cell. He was, however, consoled with the knowledge that Iruka's classroom remained unusable and would require a through cleaning.

_Thunk._

The demon container peered up and looked towards the nearest training post, where Sasuke's latest over-the-shoulder kunai toss had struck a couple centimeters above his intended target point. Sakura, pink hair still damp and smelling like shampoo, watched her crush in amazement as Sasuke breathed in deep and withdrew another kunai. Naruto had to admit, though, the top rookie's marksmanship was kinda impressive. For what Sasuke had to work with at least.

Not that he _would_ admit it, or admit that his earlier trick shot that the Uchiha was now consumed with 'beating' was a complete and total accident that had shit all to do with Naruto's own skills. He might have been able to do it on purpose as well, but that was neither here nor there. Never mind that Sasuke would never be able to match his skill. Naruto possessed too much experience throwing at moving targets, with all that time multiplied several hundred times over thanks to his clones' experiences in taking those potshots at _him._

_Thunk._

Naruto bit down on his chocolate and started reading again as Sasuke made another pinpoint throw, his handsome visage twisted with concentration. He thought about the peculiar stares he and Sasuke had received during lunch. He'd expected disdain and indignation, and had gotten both in good measure, but there had also been something else present among the older villagers in particular. He had seen terror, and on a level that he never brought out on his own, even amongst the weak-hearted.

Naruto didn't quite understand it, but he did like it.

_Thunk._

The blond turned the page. He wasn't quire certain about how to react to the protagonist in Jiraiya-sama's novel, a character who so happened to share his name. Sandaime had recommended this particular book to him, but reading about 'another' Naruto disturbed him a little.

Leisure time came to an end when someone appeared in the clearing with a Shunshin. Naruto and Sasuke both reacted to the newcomer at once. Sakura was a bit slower to respond and didn't move until she'd seen the Uchiha do so. To the ignorant, the Jounin might have looked rather unimpressive, but Naruto knew better and recognized him in an instant.

'_Holy shit on a stick,'_ he almost said aloud. _'That's Copycat Kakashi.'_

"Team Seven," the man declared.

"You're late, idiot sensei!" Sakura screeched back, pointing with a shaking hand at the living legend.

Naruto had the urge to go over and smack the girl and might have done it had his rear end not gone to sleep on him during the past hour. Never mind that the man _was_ late. Sasuke looked less than pleased with their teacher. The older man seemed to reciprocate, as the Kakashi stared back at the trio with a bored expression.

"I came across a black cat on the road and had to take a detour." The Jounin gave a nonchalant shrug, glancing sidelong at Sakura.

The pink-haired kunoichi sputtered with rage at the horrible excuse.

"That happens to me all the time." Naruto nodded in a serious manner.

"You're a useless slacker, that's all." Sasuke looked to the side as he delivered the snide remark. "Not to mention a sponger."

"Don't be so mean, Sasuke-kun." Naruto grinned and licked his lips. "Fix that attitude, mister, or no more lunch dates."

Sasuke glared and brooded in silence while Sakura looked between her male teammates in horror. Kakashi didn't seem to mind the bickering, and almost appeared to reminisce in response to the argument. The silver-haired man next strode over towards Naruto, who moved to stand up straight, but the Jounin motioned him to remain where he was.

"That's a good one." Kakashi knelt down and tapped Naruto's book.

The Jinchuuriki swallowed the chocolate in his mouth, and then straightened his hand to make a 'so-so' gesture. "Eh, it's all right I guess. I like his other works a lot more."

Yes, Naruto had read (and masturbated to) the entire _Icha Icha_ series.

Hatake Kakashi, the peerless shinobi who was reputed to have mastered a thousand Jutsu, _giggled_ like a schoolgirl and smiled beneath his mask.

"Yes, I think I'm going to like this team," Team Seven's would-be sensei declared.

"He's so weird," Sakura whispered to Sasuke as she looked over at both Kakashi and Naruto with a despairing expression, leaving the blond to wonder who she meant.

The Uchiha responded with his signature 'hnn.'

"Now then, down to business." Kakashi clapped his hands. "Let's have some basic introductions. Names, likes and dislikes, and dreams."

"You're the stranger here," Sasuke retorted, crossing his arms. "You start."

"…Fine. I'm Hatake Kakashi," the silver-haired warrior drawled. "I like some things and I don't like other things. Dreams…" Kakashi paused a moment. "You brats don't need to know. Pink-head, go next." He demanded, pointing towards Sakura.

Naruto was amazed that Kakashi had come up with the exact same nickname he had.

"I'm…Haruno Sakura. I like…" Sakura looked over at the brooding Uchiha and blushed. Sasuke ignored her. "I dream about…" Look and blush again. She next glared over at Naruto, whose molten chocolate bar was sticking out in his mouth, but then changed her mind and looked towards their sensei. "I can't stand Ino-pig!"

"How enlightening," Kakashi deadpanned, his manner condescending. "You're up, Blondie." He indicated towards Naruto.

The demon container took a long time to consider his introduction, and then opened his mouth to launch into a long diatribe.

"I'm Naruto and I hate disco music." He said nothing more and started reading again.

Like Hell he was going to reveal his dream, as the whole 'leave Konoha' business was kinda against the law. Naruto ignored the incredulous stares he received.

Moments passed, and then Kakashi broke into slow applause. "Now that's what I call inspirational. Bring us home, Count Chocula."

Uchiha Sasuke was_ not_ amused with his nickname. That was alright, though, since Naruto's mirth was more than enough to cover both their portions. He listened with what passed as respect to the top rookie's grave introduction, with the expected desire (Sasuke instead called it an ambition) to kill 'a certain man.'

The blond possessed enough tact not to mention that his odds to be named Tsuchikage next week were a sight better than Sasuke's to _ever _be able to take down his elder brother. Uchiha Itachi occupied a prime position on Naruto's 'hardest men on the planet' list.

"I think we've learned a lot." Kakashi reached into his shinobi vest to pull out several papers as he spoke. "Tomorrow we'll have our survival exam. The details are all here. Don't eat in the morning. You'll throw it all up and I don't want to deal with the smell."

Naruto scowled. Like Hell he was skipping a meal.

Each Genin then accepted a paper, which outlined when and where Team Seven was to meet the next morning, and also explained the post-graduate exam. This wasn't news to Naruto and didn't appear to come as a shock to Sasuke or Sakura either. There had other repeat candidates in addition to him in their graduating class, so word must have spread.

Kakashi dismissed the team and exited the grounds with a Shunshin. Sasuke wasted precious little time in leaving, gathering up his kunai without a word. Rather than heading home, however, the Uchiha stalked over towards the school building. Naruto couldn't help being curious as to what he was planning, but he could tell that Sasuke was in a bad mood and didn't want to cause more problems. Sakura, on the other hand, was all too keen to shadow him.

"Not a good idea," Naruto called to the girl's back, causing her to pause. "I'll bet it still smells rotten in there."

The pink-haired Genin shuddered, and Naruto imagined that he saw her skin take on a greenish hue. Sakura wavered over what to do, and came to the ultimate conclusion that not even the chance to steal a romantic moment with her precious Sasuke-kun could induce her to brave that stench again. She covered her mouth with a 'gurk' and ran out into Konoha, moving at a greater speed than what Naruto would've guessed she could manage.

"You'd better appreciate that, Uchiha." Naruto grumbled, snapping his book shut and mustering up the resolve to stand.

The blond supposed it was a good thing now that his other two teams hadn't worked out. He now had the chance to train under Hatake Kakashi, which was like a dream come true.

Naruto stood and spied his kunai, still buried to the hilt within the training mannequin's head. The blond reached down and pulled it out, and strolled towards the woods while humming a tune, intent on getting that 'practice' session in now.

_**XXXXXXXXXX **_

The next morning, Uchiha Sasuke trudged through the streets in Konoha's slum district, intent on having a word with his blond teammate prior to the survival exam. He was loaded with suspicions about Uzumaki Naruto, who he had almost never seen in class or in drills. He seemed much too skilled to be a mere slacker, or a regular repeat candidate.

The Uchiha had even condescended to treat the weird Genin to lunch at an upscale restaurant – and he did _not_ like to associate with his peers – in order to coax the blond into elaborating on his abilities. Naruto had instead spent the whole damned hour gorging like a starving lion and pummeling Sasuke's pocketbook in the process.

Later on, the top rookie had tried to utilize his teammate's prank in order to get answers in another manner, via breaking into the deserted Genin Academy's archives to have a look into Naruto's student records. That little excursion, however, had answered next to nothing and had created even more questions. He had seen that Naruto was indeed a repeater who had passed the graduation exam twice in the past but had been sent back both times, but that was about it. His birth date was blacked out in his record and his parents were both listed as having been killed during the Demon Fox's rampage but were not named, along with other strange particulars.

There was, however, a listed address in the record. Hence Sasuke's present mission. Konoha's last Uchiha couldn't help but wish that Naruto had picked somewhere else to reside. Sasuke ignored the curious stares as he reached the run-down apartment complex. He was quite aware that he stuck out like a sore thumb in this place, and wanted nothing more than to get his business done and get the Hell out. He _needed_ these answers, however. There was too much about Uzumaki Naruto that didn't add up, and Sasuke was not about to invest his trust in a complete stranger.

Sasuke climbed the cracked concrete steps, glancing at the apartment numbers on each level until he at last reached the right place. Naruto lived in the penthouse suite, which made him the proverbial King Rat in this shit hole. There was almost no paint on the door. He tried to enter the apartment, but it was locked.

"Open up, Uzumaki." The Uchiha then banged harder on the door when silence answered his call.

'_Tch,'_ Sasuke spat in his mind. He was tempted to kick the door in and enter, but he remembered the havoc Naruto had unleashed on a whim the previous morning in class. He didn't even want to consider what horrors might await he who dared to break into his home.

The raven-haired Genin instead decided on a subtler approach, and reached into his gear pouch and produced a lock pick. Sasuke slid the slender pick into the dead bolt and maneuvered it with practiced ease, and was soon rewarded with a low click.

"So simple," he muttered in a smug voice, as though someone were standing there to hear him.

He pushed the door open and peered into the darkened apartment. The dust attacked his nose almost at once. The place was barren. Emptied, cobweb-ridden instant ramen cups littered the ground. The desolate smell and appearance hit close to home, as it was all too identical to the countless broken homes and shops in Sasuke's ruined clan district.

Naruto's supposed apartment was abandoned, and hadn't been occupied in a long time.

Sasuke experienced the dull ache in his chest that occurred whenever he thought about his parents and the other dead Uchiha, and ripped the apartment door shut in a sudden rage. He didn't bother to reset the lock. The top rookie exhaled a deep breath. This morning's wasted trip added to his aggravation, as he reached up to wipe the sweat that had appeared on his brow.

He looked down into the bustling street below and realized that he was scheduled to meet his squad at the Memorial Grounds soon. Naruto would have to wait 'till later. Sasuke got a running start and leapt over the railing and onto the nearest building. He navigated the high structures, concentrating on making as little noise as possible while he continued moving and leaping and touching down without a pause.

Several minutes passed as the morning air whistled past his ears, and at last Sasuke reached Konoha's outskirts. He returned to solid ground, somersaulting in midair and nailing his dismount without the slightest sound. He then took another deep breath and pressed on towards his destination, climbing up a tree-lined road. He soon spied Sakura rounding a bend where his path intersected with hers and wanted to head up into the trees in order to avoid her, but it was too late.

"Good morning, Sasuke-kun!" Sasuke sighed under his breath as his persistent admirer ran over to his side.

Sakura's chipper attitude did little to help his mood.

"…Morning." The Uchiha spoke in a sullen tone and continued up the path at a brisker pace, making her increase her stride to match his.

"I'm so glad we got placed on the same team," she ventured, stepping over a tree root.

"Hn," Sasuke grunted.

The path led straight into the clear where the Heroes' Monument sat. Sasuke disliked this place, resenting that his parents and the other Uchiha warriors who had perished beneath his brother's sword that night had never had their names carved into the memorial.

"Something's not right about him…" Sakura whispered, and Sasuke glanced to where the pink-haired girl was looking. "I wish he'd gotten placed on someone else's squad instead," she groused, but the Uchiha was no longer listening to her.

There he was.

Uzumaki Naruto was sitting in the grass, legs draped to his side in a relaxed pose, and looked to be dipping senbon into a large bowl at his side and then loading them into a hollowed-out wooden canister. His materials were all spread out on the other Genin's ridiculous trench coat. The blond had to be coating the slender metal needles in poison. There was no other explanation, and also no reason to be doing such a thing unless Naruto was planning on killing someone.

Sasuke approached him, and soon glimpsed some strange mechanism strapped onto Naruto's arm, covering his elbow down to his wrist. The blond Genin was whistling a pleasant tune as he placed his needles into the unknown concoction and prepped them to kill in what promised to be an excruciating manner, and pretended not to even notice the Uchiha's approach. The light, musical sound made Sasuke's skin crawl.

He imagined Itachi whistling the same song as he girded on his ANBU gear and set out to murder their kin.

'_Something's not right about him.'_ Sasuke mirrored Sakura's previous words in his own mind and knew them to be truth.

Naruto's immature behavior during the team assortment _had _to be misdirection. His abilities were too much diverse and potent to allow him to be a common imbecile. The blond could use elemental Ninjutsu, execute high-level kunai skills with ease and mix his own poisons and gases. The Academy did not teach these skills, and nor did he have parents to impart them.

He was either an idiot savant or a pathological liar, and Sasuke believed it to be the latter.

The Uchiha's nails dug into his palms as he watched Naruto at work. He'd gone out to interrogate the blond, but now that he had the other Genin cornered, no words came to his mind.

"Kakashi-sensei's late again," Sakura said, looking down at her wrist watch with a noticeable grimace.

For once, Sasuke was glad to hear her voice. Someone had needed to break the deadlock here and it wouldn't have been him. Naruto looked at the Uchiha with a raised brow as he loaded more needles into the hollowed tube, and then picked up the bowl and tossed the liquid over his shoulder. The grass withered and died upon contact with the chemical.

"He was here a couple minutes ago." Naruto screwed the lid onto his senbon canister and hooked it to his waist, where there were two other identical tubes on one side and three red scrolls on the other. "He must've gone back down to the village," he added with a nonchalant shrug.

"Marvelous." Sasuke seethed, again unimpressed with Kakashi, at least assuming that Naruto was telling the truth about the masked Jounin's coming and going. "You could've made _some_ attempt to keep him here," he criticized the blond in a dour voice.

"Eh, he'll come back sooner or later," Naruto said, and then leaned in with that leering, pointed grin that Sasuke was even now learning to view with caution. "Besides, he might've helped us out. I know what the exam's gonna be."

_That_ got his attention.

"Go on." Sasuke crossed his arms and demanded.

"I saw two bells dangling in his back pocket while he was squatting on the pot there." Naruto pointed with his thumb towards the monument. "That means he's gotta be planning to use the Hokage's old bell test."

The blond went on to explain the exercise as he understood it, and Sasuke crouched in to listen. Naruto spoke about two bells on the Jounin sensei's person, with each Genin being instructed to obtain a bell inside a set time limit in order to pass. Those who didn't meet the goal in time also didn't make Genin and were sent packing.

That seemed simple enough, but things seldom _were_ so simple when shinobi were involved. Sasuke looked to his teammates and saw that Sakura had arrived at the same reasoning as he had, while Naruto didn't seem concerned at all and was restoring his poison-making equipment in its scroll – another unexplained skill that he seemed to possess.

The Uchiha racked his brains over the exam's rules, seeking some hidden message. Sasuke didn't mind the challenge as given and was prepared to take whatever measures needed in order to get a bell in the worst case, but he couldn't help but think that he was missing something critical here.

"The entire test is a hoax," Sakura blurted out. "The rules are set up on purpose to trick us into ignoring the real point."

Sasuke blinked and considered that angle, and then the obvious answer came right to his head as though it were a Jutsu copied with the Sharingan. He wasn't sure whether to be pleased that he'd glimpsed the point or chagrined that Sakura had done so quicker.

"I see." Sasuke nodded. "The two bells are nothing but a baited hook. It's a ruse meant to make us work against each other, rather than as a team."

Naruto clapped his hands, but said nothing to indicate whether or not he also knew.

Teamwork above individual accomplishment was a phrase that had been drummed into his head more times than he cared to remember during Academy lessons. Sasuke had never set much stock behind the idea, and nor had the Uchiha Clan as a whole, but it made sense that Kakashi's assessment would be designed to emphasize the hallmark Konoha-nin ideal.

'_Even so…'_ Sasuke thought, resting his chin in his hands.

"Even so," Naruto laughed with that accursed grin, as though he were reading Sasuke's mind. "I still wants me a bell."

On _that_ point, Uzumaki Naruto and Uchiha Sasuke were in complete agreement. He was now convinced that his reasoning had hit the mark and had no issue with operating as a unit during the exam, but he still wanted to do battle and to prevail_._ He has to pass this obstacle right here and now. Sasuke would never be able to kill Itachi and realize his vengeance, without being able to handle something like this.

"I agree." Sasuke stated with a wide smirk and then motioned Naruto and Sakura over. "Let's devise a plan."

'_I'll give you your damned teamwork, Kakashi…'_ Konoha's last Uchiha thought, arms crossed with a mulish resolve.

The decision was made and agreed upon. Naruto seemed to glow with a sinister intelligence and Sakura looked determined. The Genin put their heads together and plotted their assault. Hatake Kakashi would never even know what had hit him. No matter what, Uchiha Sasuke was leaving with a bell.

**End Chapter Two**


	3. Survival

_"I agree." Sasuke stated with a wide smirk and then motioned Naruto and Sakura over. "Let's devise a plan."_

_'I'll give you your damned teamwork, Kakashi…' Konoha's last Uchiha thought, arms crossed with a mulish resolve._

_The decision was made and agreed upon. Naruto seemed to glow with a sinister intelligence and Sakura looked determined. The Genin put their heads together and plotted their assault. Hatake Kakashi would never even know what had hit him. No matter what, Uchiha Sasuke was leaving with a bell._

**Chapter Three: Survival**_  
_

Disclaimer: Naruto still isn't mine. Still not getting paid to write this, so on…

* * *

Naruto cocked his head and smiled over at Kakashi as Sasuke and Sakura both vanished into the trees. The Jounin cocked a brow in response, and both shinobi then began to reach towards their pockets. Kakashi halted the motion upon seeing the grinning blond mirror it and the Genin let his own hand come to a rest upon his coat.

"You're an odd one," Kakashi muttered, inclining his head towards the trees as though indicating Naruto to seek cover as the other two had.

Naruto tilted his head backwards laughed, knowing that Sasuke was cursing him in his hiding spot at that same moment. Team Seven had laid such meticulous plans and now Naruto was ignoring the whole scheme on a whim, except that it wasn't quite so.

He knew that Kakashi had been eavesdropping on their entire planning session, but hadn't bothered to share that detail with his teammates. Their 'strategies' were thus rendered useless, since their opponent knew all about them. Naruto could have spoiled his game and told, but it amused him to be the one person who knew all the cards.

"I don't like to be pretentious, that's all." The Jinchuuriki hurried to reach into his coat pocket as though it were some competition to be quicker than Kakashi in doing so.

He thought it was a good enough excuse. It wasn't as though Kakashi didn't know where Sasuke and Sakura were hiding. The masked Jounin gave him a bored look, but his interest rose upon seeing the book in Naruto's hand.

"That's…" Kakashi breathed out.

"Not even released to the public," Naruto chirped and opened up _Icha Icha Armageddon_, making a grand show about thumbing through the porn novel's pristine pages. "The Hokage gets to pre-read all the new books. He let me borrow it." The demon vessel leered at an explicit illustration near the novel's beginning. "Guess he doesn't wanna lecture me about the birds and the bees on his own or something."

Kakashi whimpered, looking at the paperback book in his student's hand with something like pure _want._ "It's not right," he whined.

Naruto rubbed his thumb over the illustrated girl's bare, naked chest and then tossed the novel over his teacher. "Here, take a look."

Kakashi opened his hand to catch it, but instead batted the book right back at the blond. Naruto cursed and leapt to the side as the Henge'd explosive note concealed inside the imitation novel detonated in midair. He landed in a crouch and pulled a kunai.

"You'll have to do a little better than that, Naruto-kun." Kakashi taunted, smiling through his mask as he reached back towards his vest pocket.

The Jinchuuriki spat and charged with a speed that seemed to surprise the older shinobi. Kakashi abandoned the dream that he could peruse his precious _Icha Icha_ during this particular battle and assumed a lackadaisical guard stance. Naruto halted his attack and moved to his right instead, making to throw the kunai in his hand.

Kakashi swung his arm backwards and blasted the incoming second Naruto with a hard punch, dispersing the clone that attacked through the smoke that the earlier explosion had made. The Kage Bunshin likewise exploded into smoke, obscuring the masked man's position. Naruto made two more clones and sent them in to attack, probing his opponent.

Even Uzumaki Naruto could be cautious on those rare occasions when it suited him.

'_Good as expected.'_ The blond Genin placed his kunai back into his pouch and grabbed a hollowed senbon canister.

Naruto loaded the bamboo container into the mechanism on his arm and took aim at Kakashi within the churning smoke, careless that his two shadow clones were still there. Poisoned needles shot out in a line like hard gatling as the Jinchuuriki pumped chakra into the device, screaming through the air and into the smoke.

He kept up the barrage until the container hissed and dissolved in blue chakra, and waited. Kakashi was nowhere to be seen when the smoke dispersed. Naruto glowered with irritation and glanced around the area.

"That's quite an interesting contraption." Kakashi's voice spoke out next to Naruto, the masked man's tone nonchalant.

Naruto didn't wait to give him time to elaborate, as he pivoted on his heel at once and leveled a roundhouse kick at the Jounin's head. Kakashi made no move to escape it, and instead leaned back _just_ enough so that the kick missed touching him. Nor did the man move to counterattack or otherwise exploit the huge opening that the missed kick created.

That _almost_ got under Naruto's skin, until he remembered that he was dealing with a living legend, and also that he wasn't going all-out either.

"You were doing so well with Kage Bunshin a minute ago," Kakashi drawled. "Perhaps it might be better to stick with that."

Naruto instead redrew his kunai and lunged at the Jounin in an attempt to carve out the man's throat. Kakashi almost looked disappointed as he sidestepped the strike and let the impulsive Genin's momentum take him past the silver-haired shinobi. Kakashi brought his hands together in a seal and moved towards Naruto's exposed back, taking direct aim at his...

"The Hell with that," Naruto growled.

_Now_ he was mad. He leapt straight up into the air and Kakashi's ridiculous ass poke hit nothing but air, with the surprised Jounin passing beneath the airborne Genin. The incensed blond came down with a vicious double stomp onto his sensei's head, crushing Kakashi's skull into the hard earth like a tin can. Rather than the 'expected' brain matter, however, cloth and straw splattered across the ground.

Naruto's victorious grin curdled like soured milk on the spot and the blond kicked the now headless scarecrow into the trees, which were even now starting to change color and rot where the poisoned needles had struck them earlier. He didn't bother to attack when he saw his sensei materialize in swirling leaves next to him, as much as he wanted to.

"You seem to be missing the point to this exercise." Kakashi chided in a light voice.

Naruto opened his mouth to retort, but didn't have time to speak as shuriken and kunai plowed into Kakashi. The Jounin dissolved into smoke, giving the blond a little 'win' in knowing that the man had at least been serious enough to use a clone to combat him rather than risking his own hide. Naruto reached back to scratch behind his head when Kakashi's sudden attacker landed in the grass next to him.

"Nice weather." Naruto laughed as he repeating the previous morning's greeting.

The Uchiha was not at all amused. "Idiot, this wasn't what we had planned!" Sasuke hissed, clenching his teeth in rage.

The demon vessel sent him a contemptuous look but said nothing on the matter. The top rookie ought to have known that plans changed due to circumstances.

Sakura's anguished scream cut the argument short regardless. Naruto and Sasuke both looked over towards the spot deep within the trees where the sound had originated.

"Guess she busted a nail or somethin'." Naruto looked down and checked his own nails as he spoke.

The Uchiha sent his blond teammate a somewhat disturbed look, as though Sasuke had a real problem with the realization that Naruto didn't seem to give a shit that Kakashi might have killed or maimed their kunoichi teammate. The raven-haired Genin took a moment longer to mull the situation over and arrived at the decision that their Jounin mentor wouldn't have done such a thing.

"Hn." Sasuke crossed his arms, his cool and arrogant demeanor sliding back into place.

Naruto didn't bait the other Genin about his short lapse in composure, but he would remember the incident later. The blond had learned that Uchiha Sasuke possessed much more human compassion than the genius would ever care or dare to acknowledge.

How interesting that was. Naruto wouldn't have given a shit either, except that it might have hurt his chances to pass.

Kakashi chose that moment to reappear, stepping out through the trees with _Icha Icha Paradise _in hand and opened to its steamiest chapter. The elite shinobi approached his male students at a casual pace.

"That's one brat down." Kakashi closed his book and looked at Sasuke, smiling beneath his mask. "Here's a surprise. I thought zombies couldn't stand the sunlight."

Sasuke's lip curled but he otherwise ignored the good-natured dig. "Uzumaki," the other Genin demanded_._

"Roger that." He laughed. "Call me Naruto-chan, sweetheart." The blond then rolled his right shoulder and a kunai appeared in his hand.

Easier to let Sasuke think he was in charge.

"Hn." Naruto was moving as his stoic teammate grunted. The Jinchuuriki closed in on Kakashi and slashed with his kunai at the Jounin, who pulled out his own weapon and parried the strike.

Sasuke came leaping in with a kick on Kakashi's opposite side. The older shinobi reached over and caught the Uchiha's ankle. The Genin then twisted about and maneuvered to grab at the bells. Naruto plied chakra into his arm and pushed against Kakashi's kunai to move him aside and allow Sasuke a little extra space.

"I don't think so." Kakashi moved his hips to place the bells inches outside Sasuke's reach and then drilled Naruto in the gut with a straight kick, sending him staggering back. "Here, Naruto, catch."

Kakashi swung Sasuke around and threw the Uchiha at Naruto, who made a Kage Bunshin and let the clone catch him. The blond dismissed the shadow clone as soon as it had served it purpose and Sasuke landed in a standing position.

"Shit." The Uchiha spat onto the ground. "I almost had them."

Naruto tilted his head in bewilderment, and then realized that he was talking about the little bells (and not talking to him regardless). Despite what he'd said during his explanation, in truth the blond didn't give a rat's ass about them and hadn't even thought about grabbing one. He had his own plans.

He'd give Kakashi the 'teamwork' the Jounin was so damned interested in seeing, but he intended (or at least hoped) to get a little something in exchange.

Now that Sasuke had gotten his ass in gear, all that Naruto needed to do was to wait until his opening appeared.

"Right," said Naruto as he made a clone and gave it certain mental orders, waiting until it moved to execute its task. "Let's set him up next time, like we planned."

The blond charged without waiting to hear an answer and made another shadow clone as he neared the waiting Kakashi. The clone went low and attempted to sweep the Jounin's legs, but Kakashi sidestepped and turned to counter the real Naruto, who instead ran right past him and leapt onto the nearest tree branch. The elite tried to concentrate on him but had to move to dodge Sasuke's shuriken barrage. The missiles instead slammed into Naruto's clone, which dispersed at once.

The real Naruto descended with an elevated heel drop at that same instant. Kakashi retreated to avoid it, and the earth cracked and split where the chakra-empowered kick impacted. He picked up Sasuke's discarded shuriken and threw them at the airborne Kakashi, and reached down to grab another needle canister.

Team Seven's Jounin instructor used the steel plating on his combat gloves to bat the incoming shuriken aside, and then caught the last one and threw it back at Naruto to interrupt the hand seal that would have activated the bamboo tube that bounced towards him moment later. Kakashi ran through his own seals, and his right hand became encased in lightning as a high-pitched chirping sound resonated in the air.

'_Now that doesn't look good,'_ Naruto thought, not daring to approach such a Jutsu.

The lightning arced out and incinerated the canister, and the electric charge caused the needles inside to clump together. Kakashi then cancelled the technique, right in time to have Sasuke's Grand Fireball plow into his side. The man's silhouette soon disappeared inside the raging blaze.

Naruto watched the ongoing attack with surprise, the intense heat stinging his corneas a little. He didn't think that a 'regular' Genin would be able to execute an elemental Ninjutsu like that, shinobi genius or no. Sasuke was indeed slumped over and breathing hard, exhaling black smoke in slow intervals.

Human chakra limitations were something the Jinchuuriki thought would have to be a huge pain in the ass to have to live with. He was _so_ glad that he didn't.

Sasuke stopped the attack, leaving behind a charred area with a burning scarecrow sitting in its center.

"I wonder whether he gets those wholesale." Naruto grinned through pointed teeth and nudged the blackened doll with his sandal, making a resolution to hunt down whatever place in the village sold those grotesque stick creatures and vandalize it.

Sasuke had no interest in making conversation. "Don't distract me." The Uchiha genius looked up into the air and then around the smoldering clearing in an attempt to locate Kakashi, his expression burning with ire towards the man who had escaped his signature move.

His irritation continued to increase as his search turned up nothing. Naruto could have let him know that Kakashi was hiding underground, but chose not to. The Jounin was using more than adequate stealth given his 'opposition,' except that he didn't reckon upon Naruto's quasi-superhuman senses.

He might as well have been wearing a siren on his head.

Naruto waited until Kakashi began to move under the earth, and then escaped at the last moment with a Shunshin as his instructor emerged between the two Genin. Sasuke meanwhile let out an indignant squawk when Kakashi's right hand wrapped around his pale ankle. The top rookie resisted the Jounin's attempt to pull him under the earth, molding chakra along his sandal bottom in order to 'stick' to level ground. Sasuke reached down and grabbed onto Kakashi's armored vest, craning his neck down so that he met the older man's stare head-on.

Uchiha Sasuke bared his pearl white teeth in a pointed, demonic grin.

That was all the warning Kakashi got. A kunai tore through the Uchiha's chest at an impossible speed and continued right on towards his skull. The Jounin twisted his silver head to dodge the sneak attack as 'Sasuke' exploded into smoke. Hatake Kakashi managed to evade the kunai.

…But not the wind chakra wreathed around it. The invisible edge sliced a clean line into his cheek, and the kunai continued on its path until it struck the training pole that Kakashi had threatened to bind whoever was unable to get a bell onto. The wooden pole exploded into little splinters that whistled through the air with enough speed to break skin. Kakashi hit the proverbial deck to avoid getting skewered.

"Fuck," Naruto barked in the distance next to Sasuke, who was sitting in an unbecoming heap where his blond teammate's shadow clone had used a Substitution Jutsu to swap places with him at same moment Kakashi had advanced. "I can't _believe_ that didn't nail his ass," he added to no-one in particular.

Naruto raked a hand through his blond hair to accent his irritation. He extended that same hand to his teammate, who was staring up at him with an incredulous expression. Sasuke pulled a scowl and smacked the hand aside, standing up and looking towards the rising Kakashi. "Uzumaki," he started, now glaring at the dead-last Genin who had managed to make Konoha's strongest Jounin bleed, even as little as it was.

"That was the last trick I had," Naruto interrupted him to admit.

Not quite the truth, but it was the last one he was willing to show. No decent magician revealed his entire repertoire in the opening night act.

It was also nowhere near enough to satiate the Jinchuuriki.

"Hn." Sasuke brushed his pants clean and spoke in a smooth voice. "Then I suppose we'll have to resort to Plan B." He then glanced over to see that said plan's last component was in place, nodding when he noted that it was.

Naruto laughed and clapped his hands. "Excellent," the blond chirped. "I like Plan B!"

He had come up with Plan B. Sasuke gave a signal to something in the distance.

Naruto knew that Kakashi might guess what Plan B entailed, but that detail wouldn't matter so long as he and Sasuke could keep the man occupied.

"You _would,"_ the Uchiha retorted in a dark voice, as though this development didn't please him at all.

Naruto saw the blow coming, but chose not to move when Kakashi closed in and drilled him with a backhanded punch that sent him sprawling to the ground. His vision swam but he still was able to glimpse Sasuke launch a kick at the Jounin, and a moment later the Uchiha was knocked into the air and collided with Naruto as the blond tried to rise. The pair knocked heads and landed in a tangled pile near the trees.

Naruto let out a groan, rolling the semi-conscious Sasuke over to the side and using the rotting tree nearest him as a brace. "New plan," said the Jinchuuriki, shaking his aching head as he stood once more.

Kakashi watched his two Genin with blood trickling down his cut cheek.

He was no longer smiling.

"I agree." Sasuke didn't spurn the helping hand this time, and Naruto considered letting him go and watching him drop on his ass. He would have done it, except that he still needed the other Genin and still needed to give Kakashi a show. "Let's kick his ass."

There was all that needed to be said, and Kakashi hadn't spoken a word in a while now.

The two Genin attacked together, coordinating their moves with a precision that brand new teammates shouldn't have been able to coordinate. Now on his mettle somewhat, Kakashi intercepted and countered them, and so Naruto and Sasuke both earned several new scrapes and bruises as the spar continued.

Naruto kept right on smiling, his pointed teeth bloodied due to a cut upper lip.

"Time's running out, kiddies!" Kakashi taunted in a singsong voice as he sidestepped an incoming combination attack and smacked his two opponents' heads together.

The blond was having such a grand time that he hadn't even noticed the noon hour time limit approaching.

Sasuke's response was to hurl a kunai at the alarm clock sitting on a stump across the grounds. The Uchiha's aim was dead on and the hands stopped when the metal blade pierced clean through the contraption, sending it tumbling down onto the ground.

"I think that clock might be broken, sensei." Naruto shot back. "Better go check it."

"Cute," Kakashi muttered, moving to counter Sasuke's latest attack.

Naruto used Sasuke's back as a cover and reached down to his waist to grab a scroll, and loaded it into his arm launcher. The blond dropped to a knee and took aim at the same moment his teammate somersaulted into the air. Kakashi raised both arms into a crossing position to block Sasuke's axe kick and used his knee to prevent another grab at the bells.

The Jinchuuriki licked his bleeding lips and activated the device. Napalm shot out in a high-pressure stream. The gelled gasoline rushed in a clean, destructive arc towards Kakashi, igniting as it departed the weapon on Naruto's wrist. The Jounin's expression narrowed in consternation and he hurled Sasuke in the opposite direction to make sure the raven-haired Genin wouldn't somehow get burned alive, at the same time skidding back in order to escape the gelatinous death that was about to consume him whole.

Moving his hands to protect Sasuke was his mistake.

'_Now!'_ Uzumaki Naruto crowed with glee in his mind, noting Kakashi's too-vulnerable position.

He pushed chakra into his legs and advanced. The silver-haired warrior had escaped to a reasonable enough distance and had more than enough time to react to Naruto's sudden rush.

Kakashi would have, at least, had the blond maintained his earlier pace. Naruto increased his output to its maximum in mid-charge and closed on Kakashi at breakneck speed. His right arm pulsed with chakra and his instructor had little chance to do more than recognize his predicament, having almost no time at all to respond to it. Realizing that he couldn't dodge and that his hands were in no position to execute a Kawarimi, Kakashi lunged backwards at an angle in an attempt to minimize what he knew was coming.

The movement was much too little, and a little too late.

Naruto's dashing killer punch struck home and scored a direct hit onto the Jounin's ribcage through his armored shinobi vest. The sickening crunch and Kakashi's strangled pant were the sweetest music to his ears as bone caved inward beneath his power.

Kakashi was sent soaring backwards due to the chakra-powered strike, landing with a loud crash meters in the distance, where his momentum kept him rolling to the small pond that marked the clearing's center. Naruto could smell the blood on the older man's mask as the Jounin spat up, even at that considerable distance. Sasuke landed in a crouch next to him, hands running through the seals to execute another Grand Fireball.

"Er, Sasuke…" The Jinchuuriki tried to warn the Uchiha to mind his limited chakra reserves, but the top rookie's chest was swelling even then. _'Too late.'_

Naruto shrugged and made his own hand signs, determined to make the Ninjutsu count now that Sasuke was committed to it. The demon container's wind blast came out a moment behind the Grand Fireball, powering the Katon technique to much greater heights. The mixture resulted in a towering blast that enveloped the entire broad area near Kakashi's position, and the explosion spread outward to consume even Sasuke and Naruto. The Uchiha mastered his exhaustion and rushed to take cover while Naruto threw his arms out wide and let the blast swallow him, cackling like a madman.

The minor burns he received healed within seconds.

The smoke, on the other hand, took several minutes to clear, and revealed a hellish landscape once it was done. Naruto and Sasuke's combination Ninjutsu had set the whole ground ablaze. Steam was rising on the pond and the trees were ablaze. Fish began to appear on the water, boiled alive in the intense heat. Napalm 'spots' dotted the landscape, as the earlier concentrated glob had been scattered about due to the intense wind.

Kakashi stood on the pond's mud bank. The Jounin dripped with hot water and his skin held a pinkish tinge. He had one hand on his headband as the other clutched at his broken ribs. Despite all this, the man seemed to have no trouble standing and Naruto quashed his instinctive urge to run like Hell, now quite aware that he had poked a sleeping dragon.

Sasuke had collapsed onto his hands and knees and was sucking wind; having taxed his reserves a bit too much.

"You two are something else," Kakashi wheezed, his voice hoarse with pain. "I guess I'll have to get serious…" He began to pull on his protector to reveal his Sharingan.

'_Ruh roh. Looks like he's mad now.'_ Naruto exhaled a breath and steeled his nerves, well aware that he was about to get his ass kicked.

"Fine." Sasuke struggled to stand, and Naruto knew better than to even extend a helping hand this time. "Because we're also done screwing around."

"Damned straight." Naruto laughed, having nothing better to add.

He was ignored.

The spent Uchiha then motioned with his head towards Kakashi's precious stone monument. The elite spared a look but also kept the two hellions well within his sight.

The Heroes Monument, which had escaped the earlier blast, was now surrounded with kunai. Each blade was stuck deep into the ground and rigged with an explosive tag. Haruno Sakura stood next to a tree near it. The kunoichi looked horror stricken at the massive damage that Naruto and Sasuke had caused, both to the landscape and to Kakashi.

"Throw the bells to Sasuke-kun right now," Sakura managed in a timid voice. "Or else…" She hesitated a second but soon continued. "Or else I'll blow this monument to Hell!"

That was Plan B.

Kakashi _stared_. The girl almost quailed underneath her teacher's gaze and even took a hesitant step back into the trees, but held her ground otherwise. Kakashi let out a sigh and reached into his (somewhat scorched) vest pocket and pulled out the bells. The living legend then began to laugh aloud, grabbing at his pained midsection all the while.

"That's too much." Kakashi said, and Naruto wondered whether he'd cracked. He motioned to Sasuke with the bells, causing them to tinkle. "Here. Team Seven passes."

Naruto pouted. He'd wanted to see whether Sakura had the moxie to make good on it.

Sasuke regarded his sensei with suspicion but extended his hand. Kakashi let out a morbid chuckle as he started to underhand the bells.

That was when the ANBU started to arrive. Masked sentinels appeared all across the ruptured training grounds to encircle a surprised Team Seven, landing in combat positions with their hands on semi-sheathed shinobi blades. Naruto bit out a silent curse. He should have known that a blast like that would have drawn attention back in Konoha proper. The masked shinobi were almost all looking straight at him, and he knew that he'd be held to blame in this whole mess.

…Nevermind that he _had_ caused the most damage. Sakura ran over and cowered next to her idol Sasuke.

Naruto let out a hollow laugh underneath the entire Black Ops contingent's scrutinizing looks and waved at Neko-chan, whom he spied standing near an embarrassed Kakashi. His instructor was no doubt agonizing over how he was going to explain his condition to his peers.

Neko-chan gave Naruto 'the look' beneath her mask. He could tell.

"Fuck man, look at all this mess. Use a little more restraint next time, Sasuke." Naruto motioned around the 'war zone' without turning to regard the Uchiha.

His pathetic and not all that sincere attempt to divert the attention and blame onto Sasuke humored no-one. Sakura screeched at Naruto and was ignored, whilst the assembled Black Ops ghouls continued to stare at the Jinchuuriki.

He was starting to get a little worried about leaving without having his brains eaten.

"False alarm." Kakashi broke the awkward stalemate, sounding rather demoralized and no doubt wishing that he could sink into the ground. "Our survival exercise got a little heated. There's nothing more to see here."

"Kakashi-san," one ANBU spoke in a deep voice, indicating to the Jounin's damaged ribcage and his torn, bloodied mask.

The Jounin outright declined to discuss the issue. "I'll submit a personal report to the Hokage later," said Kakashi. "Now please let me wrap things up here."

The masked leader nodded and motioned to the others, and the ANBU dispersed with as much eerie stealth as the large contingent had arrived with. Naruto was so sad when Neko-chan didn't even spare him a last glance, but at least the spooks were gone now.

Kakashi was kinda cool though, Naruto thought. The Jounin hadn't _had_ to cover his ass.

He almost regretted that he'd tried so hard to murder Kakashi a couple minutes ago. He'd needed to make his point, still. He decided that he ought to at least _try_ to make good, and made several quick hand seals. Naruto's Jounin sensei and two Genin teammates watched him with some apprehension.

"I can heal that, Kaka-sensei." Naruto held up his hand, which was now glowing with light green medical chakra.

"Tempting, but I'll pass." Kakashi sounded somewhat nauseous. "Though I will need to head on down to the hospital and get patched up," he added in a lower voice, exhaling a pained breath. "Tomorrow we'll start our duties. Meet me at noon on the bridge leading into the commercial district. Lunch is behind the pole. You'll have to share."

Team Seven's sensei threw the bells to Sasuke and vanished in swirling leaves.

'_Sheesh, man acts like we tried to kill him or something,'_ Naruto almost said.

"I suppose no-one's getting tied to the pole now," Sasuke soon muttered to no-one in particular, too exhausted be bothered with being brooding and antisocial. "I'm starving."

"Me too," Sakura added and her stomach let agreed with a quiet grumble, causing the pink-haired kunoichi's cheeks redden with embarrassment.

For once, Naruto chose not to comment. He _had_ eaten this morning, unlike the others. He maintained a brisker pace as he headed towards their destination and stepped onto Kakashi's broken alarm clock as he passed, completing its destruction.

"Naruto…" Sasuke called, and the blond heard a tinkling sound.

The demon container reached back and caught the bell in his hand without looking over his shoulder. "I thought I said to call me 'Uzumaki.'"

Naruto then dispersed into smoke. The small bell clattered onto the scorched grass.

"So weird," Sakura echoed her earlier sentiment regarding her teammate as she reached down to claim the bell that said Genin had abandoned. "But…he doesn't seem like a bad person either."

Uchiha Sasuke answered with nothing save a neutral 'hn,' as though he were still reserving his opinion. He reached the damaged wooden poles and there he discovered a most startling coincidence indeed.

Uzumaki Naruto had vanished, and so had the bento boxes.

Haruno Sakura's indignant scream echoed through the smoldering grounds and a rich, mocking laugher almost seemed to answer her.

_**XXXXXXXXXX**_

Later that evening, Hatake Kakashi was nursing his drink inside a quiet tavern. Rain poured down outside and thunder boomed in the air. The terrible weather suited his present mood quite well.

'_At least it's keeping the usual crowds at home tonight.'_ Kakashi didn't want to deal with people in general right now, but he needed to drink and he wasn't about to do so alone at his apartment.

That would be a little too pathetic.

The elite shinobi's head and both arms were wrapped with medicated bandages due to the mild burns he'd gotten when Naruto and Sasuke had boiled him with that combination Ninjutsu.

Thank the Gods he'd managed to reposition so that Naruto's kill shot had sent him to the pond's edge, or else he'd have gotten roasted alive.

Kakashi sipped his drink through his mask, and the resulting warmth helped a little to mitigate the agonizing phantom pain that ran through his abdomen as he thought about Naruto and that damnable gut punch. He let out a low shudder, quite aware that he could have gotten killed there. That punch could have turned his insides into paste, and would have had Kakashi not been wearing light armor and had he not reacted in time to get that miniscule separation right at the end.

He, Sharingan Hatake Kakashi, had gotten pushed that close to the line against a _Genin._

He had to give the kid due credit, though. Naruto had suckered him like a pro. He'd manipulated that entire exercise so that he could ramp things up at that exact point and launch that one attack, and it had _worked_. He'd known that Kakashi would underestimate him and had taken complete advantage.

He'd underestimated a Jinchuuriki, one who also happened to be the Yellow Flash's son no less. One who was working in tandem with an authentic Uchiha genius.

The thought made him want to beat his head against the countertop.

Nor could he resent the Genin. Kakashi had ordered Team Seven to come at him with intent to kill. He hadn't reckoned that he would be dealing with someone who _could _kill him, even under such ideal circumstances where the Jounin was working at a reduced pace and not doing much more than the bare minimum to attack in his own right.

Even worse than the severe pain and the more severe damage to his ego, was the incontestable realization that he'd somehow managed to get _that_ damned complacent and muddle-headed since leaving the Ops.

Despite being so absorbed in these inner admonishments, Kakashi detected the newcomer's approach. "You look like Hell warmed over, sempai."

He recognized the voice. He'd rather be alone, but he supposed that he could do a whole lot worse as drinking partners went. Kakashi wasn't a social creature. Few people knew his unusual haunts, but this person did.

"Kid hits like a bulldozer." He didn't share the root issue with Uzuki Yugao as she took her seat at the bar next to him and ordered a drink.

His pride had taken a large enough beating, thanks.

Kakashi at last looked over at his companion. She was dressed in regular civilian attire rather than her Black Ops gear. The male patrons sent appreciative looks in her direction.

"I assume he used that dashing gut punch," Yugao replied in a deadpan voice, palming her sake bottle as it arrived. "I understand that he's named it the 'Entrails Smasher.'"

Kakashi thought the name quite appropriate, and not a little bit sickening. More interesting, however, was that his old ANBU subordinate seemed to know who had nailed him during the exercise and how. More intriguing than even that was that she had hunted him down to chat about it over a drink, or so it seemed.

Uzuki Yugao wasn't an outgoing person either. ANBU operatives almost never were.

"You know him." The Jounin recalled that Naruto had even waved at her earlier, and had looked rather put out when she'd more or less ignored him.

So, his cute Jinchuuriki had a crush on an older kunoichi. Kakashi smiled beneath his mask, which he'd replaced upon leaving the hospital. This was something he'd have to make sure to remember and badger the blond about later. He would have _vengeance._

Kakashi giggled, almost choking on the liquor sliding down his throat.

The woman next to him sent him a strange look when he tittered out loud. "No, not on a personal level," Yugao elaborated and sipped her drink. "I've observed his training on Hokage-sama's orders on several occasions." She then tossed her dark purple hair over her shoulder and looked up at the ceiling, "Though I'm not quite certain 'training' is the proper term to describe what he does out there."

The man listened to her, and wondered whether he'd ever sounded that robotic. He hoped not. Still, she'd piqued his interest. For good or bad, Sasuke and Sakura were both what he had expected them to be. Sasuke was brilliant and also dangerous, and perhaps even more so than Kakashi might have guessed on both accounts, but he had anticipated as much. Sakura had book smarts but her practical skills were limited at best, also expected.

Naruto was the one that didn't make sense. The blond knew things that he shouldn't, and Kakashi had reason enough to believe that Sasuke was nurturing the same suspicions. Perhaps Yugao could shed some light on a situation that needed illumination.

"Tell me more about our mutual menace." Kakashi wheedled. "There are things about him that don't seem to add up. Help me out here."

Perhaps he ought to have picked Sandaime's brain during team assignments, but he hadn't seen a need to at that time and now the old man was being tight-lipped about Naruto despite Kakashi's inquiries, as though his dilemma amused Sarutobi somehow.

"That's a restricted topic, sempai," Yugao chided in a light voice. "Treat me to another round and I might consider it," she continued, sliding her bottle down the bar.

Kakashi didn't hesitate to oblige her. He decided not to replenish his own, though, now more interested in the conversation than in drinking. He remembered the straight-laced recruit he'd taken under his wing what seemed like ages ago in ANBU. That girl would never have even considered sharing something that the higher-ups had deemed restricted.

Kakashi took great pleasure in noting the change. Dedication to one's orders and to the mission was all well and good, but there were much more important things.

"I suppose the most accurate answer would be," Yugao started, pouring another drink into her ceramic cup. "He is what he is, as well as all that entails."

The answer was the 'smart' one, albeit one that did little to answer Kakashi's questions. Naruto's Jinchuuriki status was taboo according to Sandaime's special decree. The masked man had a good idea as to what his old subordinate meant. Demon vessels were hated and ostracized within their villages, and sometimes turned into crazed sociopaths.

Fear was a dangerous thing.

"Yugao…" Kakashi showed minor irritation.

"I was kidding." The Black Ops kunoichi looked over to make sure that the barkeep was preoccupied and grabbed a paper napkin, and then reached into her pants pocket to retrieve an ink pen. "Here." Yugao handed over the napkin when she was done writing.

'Site 41' was written on the paper. Kakashi crammed the napkin into his vest.

He supposed that it shouldn't come as a surprise. Even the hardiest Konoha-nin never passed near Orochimaru's old grounds unless circumstances required. For an outcast like Naruto, Site 41 would be an ideal place to lurk. For a Jinchuuriki, the 'cursed grounds' made all too much sense.

Kakashi appreciated Yugao's caution. People didn't need to know that Naruto used that place. He too thought that it was a bad sign, and he was on the kid's side. The blond had more than enough ill will and bad rumors spread around the village as things stood.

"Suppose I'll have to go down and see what that's all about," the Jounin drawled, not relishing the prospect in the least.

Even the most outrageous superstitions had some practical basis, though he was also curious to observe what she meant about 'training.'

"Do mind the traps and the giant snakes then, Kakashi-sempai." Yugao replied with a listless smile. "Not to mention the gut-punching sentinels."

Kakashi couldn't decide whether to be irritated or proud. He'd suspected that she'd get her little dig in at some point. Perhaps he'd taught her a little too well.

"You're not helping," he said in a saccharine voice. Sharingan Kakashi smiled through his mask as an evil thought came to mind. "You could volunteer to come along and guide me. I'm sure he'd love that too."

That shut the damned succubus right up. Good thing, too, since Kakashi was going to resort to the old 'sitting in a tree' song next. The Jounin relaxed on his stool, savoring his newest conquest. He was still the master and she was still the student.

Yugao decided to make a strategic withdrawal while she was still somewhat ahead. "I need to get back to patrol. Have a good night."

He almost pouted as his diabolical scheme to leave her holding the tab was ruined.

"Don't melt in the rain now." Kakashi couldn't resist the parting shot.

Yugao looked back but said nothing to answer her old commander's taunt. Kakashi chuckled as her appearance indeed melted when she stepped back out into the night to reveal that she was garbed in ANBU recon gear beneath the Henge, complete with a hooded black raincoat. The silver-haired Jounin couldn't help but wonder whether the Hokage had nudged his trusted agent into seeking Kakashi out this evening with the previous dialogue in mind. The old codger liked to meddle without being seen to meddle.

Kakashi hadn't missed that last pointed look that the plum-haired swordswoman had sent him, though, nor did he require a verbal explanation

He never abandoned his comrades, no matter what the cost.

His problem was that he had _two_ students wobbling on that dangerous precipice. Naruto had the villagers' irrational hatred and, Kakashi suspected, the Nine-Tails' malicious presence straining his mental state. Sasuke had his single-minded obsession with revenging his lost clan and surpassing and killing his brother Itachi. Mixing the volatile pair together created a danger much greater than its individual parts.

Kakashi likened the situation to having two people walking along parallel tightropes, but having their ankles chained together at the same time. Sooner or later one was going to have to take the inevitable plunge, and the other was going to get pulled right down with him.

The Jounin wondered who in the Hell had decided that Naruto and Sasuke would make a productive combination, and whose cereal he'd pissed in to be tasked with managing this massive disaster in waiting.

Despite all that, Kakashi didn't dread the task to come. Those Hell-raising brats had the potential to achieve greatness. Their instinctive teamwork was almost unbelievable, as he'd had the bad luck to learn earlier. He even _wanted _to set them on the right path and mold them.

First, though, he would have to set his own house in order. No more going through the motions and resting on his laurels. Kakashi knew that he would have to work hard to recover the edge he'd lost in the time since leaving ANBU, or else his adorable little monsters would soon leave him eating dust (and burn a nation or two down in the process).

He would, at least, get to share that pain with his new comrades. He'd promised to make his kiddies throw up and he still intended to make good on it. He would devise a training regimen that would have even a chakra beast like Uzumaki Naruto puking his intestines into the grass. Kakashi rubbed his hands together in anticipation.

Revenge was going to be _sweet._

_**XXXXXXXXXX**_

Naruto let out a sneeze, marking the seventh or so time in the last hour he'd coughed hard.

"Fucking weather," he grumbled into the damp concrete bunker he was now sitting in.

Thunder boomed in the air outside, as though heckling him back. Even though the hole he was stranded in didn't have windows, he could hear the rain pounding above him.

The blond Jinchuuriki was now sitting in a metal chair inside a submerged structure located in the abandoned training grounds that he called home. He'd rather have been passing his time outdoors rather that sitting around in this stinking underground den, but not in that deluge. Naruto's hideout had at one time been someone else's workshop and lab, but its equipment had long since been ransacked save some basic items.

The place had power and running water still, at least, though the water was stale and rancid due to rusted pipes and the lighting sucked ass. He had a small cot in the corner to rest on when the elements wouldn't allow him to sleep outside.

Naruto reached over to where he was keeping his stolen bento box warm on an electric hot plate and grabbed the last rice ball. The blond Genin crammed the entire ball into his mouth and returned to his work, chewing with his mouth open. He soon wished that he hadn't, as another sneeze racked him, resulting in Naruto coughing chewed rice all over his desk and ruining the paper he had been working on.

The demon vessel stared down at the mess and contemplated climbing up the ladder that led outside and screaming abuse at the weather.

He instead scooped up the spit-up rice and crammed it back into his mouth, swallowing it in a rush so that he wouldn't cough it up again. Three second rule applied.

Naruto then sighed as he crumpled the soiled paper into a little ball and chucked it over his shoulder, making no attempt to salvage what he deemed to be useless gibberish. Genjutsu wasn't his thing at all, as the dozen or so discarded papers littering the ground indicated. He was better with 'hands-on' disciplines. Yet, there seemed to be no other route to get to where he wanted to go.

He was now working on a method to control the Nine-Tails' power. The Jinchuuriki recalled Sandaime's order not to open that door and almost laughed. Like Hell he would leave a power like that untouched. The Hokage might as well have told a bear not to hibernate in the winter.

Naruto's previous, short-lived experience with his demonic powers was enough to teach him that rage was the trigger to harnessing it. The problem with that was that he couldn't induce such an enraged state at will, which in turn meant that the whole thing was useless.

Drugs and medicines had never worked quite right on him, so using those to alter his mind state wasn't an option (never mind that he had no immediate access to the ingredients he's need to make the option work even without that little added hurdle). Naruto could remember several occasions when he'd inhaled toxic gases and whatnot on accident when mucking about with his chemicals and poisons, all without getting the least bit sick.

That in turn made his current sneezing problem a whole lot stranger. _'Strange, indeed…'_

But, he thought, back to the matter at hand…Genjutsu.

Genjutsu, in addition to being the 'basic three' branch in which Naruto had the least natural aptitude, was also the least intuitive discipline. His command and theoretical knowledge with the illusion arts weren't good enough to allow him to create his own personal Genjutsu. Too bad that he couldn't ask Kakashi to help him, as the Jounin would no doubt guess what he was angling towards and attempt to put a stop to the experiment.

Not that the man could stop him, but it'd be a massive pain in the ass to have another person meddling in his business. Sandaime was bad enough. Naruto almost wanted to laugh at how retarded the situation was. Now that he at last had a sensei thatappearedto like him somewhat, he was likewise stuck with a problem that he couldn't solicit Kakashi's help with. The world was such a wretched place sometimes.

But there was still another option. Naruto knew one person who might have what he needed. He expected there to be a price involved, but he'd cross that bridge when he made it there.

He hoped that ghosts and specters hated bad weather as much as he did.

"No time like the present." Naruto clapped his hands and clambered up the old ladder that led to the exit with a laugh.

Right as he reached the manhole and pushed it open, another violent sneeze racked him. This time, however, he was prepared and used chakra to adhere to the ladder. Naruto rushed out into the rain and shot the double bird up into the thundering clouds, running into the storming night and towards Konoha.

_**XXXXXXXXXX**_

The storm raging outside matched Uchiha Sasuke's mood as he battered the mannequin in his home's practice room with a practiced Taijutsu barrage, his blows impacting with loud thuds and making small dents in the worn leather. The shirtless Genin's slim muscles ached and he was pouring with damp sweat.

He send the training doll swinging on its rope with a hard straight kick and then took a rapid leap backwards, and dashed back in and slammed a hard punch into the mannequin's midsection upon landing. Rather than the shattering blow that Naruto had managed on Kakashi, Sasuke's reward was to almost shatter his own wrist and knuckles instead. The Uchiha sucked in a harsh breath through his teeth and grabbed his arm.

'_You'll have to do better than that, sweetheart!'_

Sasuke could hear Uzumaki Naruto's crowing laughter as the mannequin lilted about in its place, mixed in with Itachi's impassive admonishments. _'Foolish little brother…'_ the murderous bastard's bland voice chided. Sasuke could taste noxious bile rising deep in his throat, but a pleasant scent snapped him back into awareness.

He let out a low breath and relaxed as his maid placed a gentle hand on his shoulder and pushed him to lie down on a hot towel she had put down on the sweat-soaked ground next to him as she neared. The older girl then hummed and draped a second towel over his back and shoulders.

The heat seeped deep into his sore muscles, and he almost succumbed to sleep on the spot.

"Let me up, Kinume." Sasuke lodged the token gripe as the girl dipped his shredded knuckles into a bowl containing a potent medicinal salve. "I'm not done training." She ignored his weak, uninspired attempts to stand back up, keeping a strong grip on his arm.

"You've been at it since this morning," his live-in maid replied in a clipped voice.

Resigned to the inevitable, the orphaned Uchiha stopped complaining and relaxed. He bit his lip and glanced down Kinume's loose kimono while she leaned over to doctor his hand, knowing that the older girl was quite well aware that her 'master' was ogling her.

Sasuke decided that he wasn't all too bothered with the unsolicited mothering.

"Nice view."

The raven-haired Genin's heart leapt into his throat at the voice behind him. Sasuke rushed into action, springing upright and snapping a high roundhouse in the unknown intruder's direction. The kick hit nothing but a blurring image as the grinning Uzumaki Naruto moved to the side with a Shunshin, while Sasuke slipped on his own sweat during his pivot. The orphaned shinobi prince had to sprawl to avoid taking a tumble onto his highborn ass, while his towel careened through the air.

Naruto caught the steaming towel with a poisonous cackle. "Your Kung-Fu could use a little work there, Sasuke-sama." The blond reached out to hand it back to its owner.

Sasuke, meanwhile, was seething with rage that his teammate had shown the gall to break into his home and intrude upon a private moment; not even considering that he'd thought nothing about doing Naruto the same disservice that morning. He was even angrier that he hadn't detected the other Genin's presence at all and had no clue how long he'd been in the room.

The Uchiha chomped down harder on his lip in the vain hope that his unwanted houseguest was an illusion. No such luck.

"Uzumaki…" Sasuke struggled to get the words out.

The intruder took no heed. "Remember, I said to call me…"

Naruto stopped his teasing and somehow produced a kunai, which he used to block Kinume's naginata strike with a quick motion. Sasuke blinked with surprise, as he hadn't even noticed the girl moving towards the weapons rack due to his preoccupation with his impetuous teammate. She then lunged and twisted the polearm. The blade scraped past Naruto's kunai and continued towards his chest.

The earlier surprise turned to horror when Naruto blurred again and evaded the stab. Her naginata instead skewered through the towel. Rather than materializing inside the lunging Kinume's guard and hacking the well-meaning but overmatched girl down, however, Naruto maneuvered behind Sasuke and watched her with a shit-eating grin. The Uchiha let out an exasperated sigh, his head beginning to throb with stress.

"Put the weapons down," he commanded as though lecturing two small children, raking a hand through his hair in a gesture that he thought he'd seen his aggravation's main source make one or twice.

The girl struggled with her master's order, but did at last replace the steel naginata on its rack. "I'll alert the authorities." Kinume sent Naruto another stern look as she started to move into the hall.

"No, bring tea." The order sounded ridiculous even to Sasuke, but he knew that Naruto might well decide to resist arrest should the law be brought to bear.

The Uchiha District had seen too much bloodshed the last time a crazed genius had roamed its streets and its present caretaker had no desire to provoke a repeat. One look at Naruto made clear that he'd made the right decision, as he was still grinning with maniacal bloodlust, twirling his kunai around his thumb. Kinume pursed her lips but said nothing, nodding and leaving the room.

"This does explain a lot." Naruto's stare was glued upon the retreating maid's backside. Sasuke glared with rage at the other Genin, who had disrupted his center a little too much. Naruto laughed aloud. "I sure as Hell wouldn't be interested in brats like Sakura or Loudmouth either when I had _that_ waiting at home."

The Uchiha wasn't about to grace such vulgar insinuation with a response. "Get to the point, Uzumaki," he demanded in a tired voice, knowing quite well that a restless lunatic like Naruto would have better things to do with his time than making house calls during a nighttime deluge. There had to be some point to this home invasion.

For once, the blond obliged without making additional trouble. "I need to borrow some Genjutsu manuals. I know the Uchiha Clan must've had something I can use."

Sasuke wasn't quite certain about what he should have been expecting, but that wasn't it.

His mind whirred with possibilities, as he at once thought it peculiar that his teammate had gone through this much trouble to come with a basic request that Kakashi could have handled. Something smelled putrid about this business but the Uchiha knew that he could name his price, however steep, and that Naruto was prepared to accept that. Even so, all he wanted at that particular moment was to have the blond _gone._

"Fine," Sasuke replied and motioned towards the open door. "Follow me."

Naruto's expression soured as his suspicions rose. Sasuke took a pleasure in knowing that he'd managed to beat this grinning nutcase at his own perverse game this time, and that knowledge was much sweeter than whatever he could have exacted otherwise.

Sasuke headed into the hall without looking back, but could head Naruto stalking along right behind him. He'd had the good manners to remove his wet sandals prior to breaking into the house at least. The Uchiha led his 'guest' into the reading lounge and motioned Naruto to have a seat while he picked through his scrolls and books.

He didn't need much time to locate the desired materials, and he soon turned to see Naruto looking over the photographs on the wall. Sasuke expected some comment about his mother given what he knew about the blond, but Naruto paid little attention to Uchiha Mikoto's picture. No, he was instead staring at another.

"So that's him," Naruto said, indicating towards Itachi's picture. Sasuke had kept the photograph depicting his brother in his Chuunin apparel intact and on his wall despite Itachi's crimes, both to serve as a constant reminder and because he believed that their mother would have wished it. "That's the great clan killer. He doesn't look all that intimidating to me." The blond laced his hands behind his head and considered the portrait a moment longer.

Sasuke shook his head and held out a medium-sized book and two scrolls, deciding that Naruto was about the last person on Earth he was willing to discuss Itachi with. Naruto paused to consider the items, and then reached out and snatched them as though Sasuke might come up with some hidden catch were he to hesitate a moment longer.

"I expect those back in pristine condition." He was itching to demand to know what Naruto intended to do with the knowledge, but thought better than to ask. In addition to ruining his little game, Sasuke thought it wiser to be able to claim innocence in whatever his insane teammate was scheming.

"Right-o," Naruto agreed with a slow drawl, tucking the manuals into his clothing. His rigid posture revealed that the blond-haired Genin's overall demeanor didn't at all match his casual tone. "…I'll be leaving now."

Sasuke made no attempt to stop him. Naruto almost bumped into Kinume as he hurried to leave, the latter returning with tea as requested. He reached over and stole a glass as he made his escape and downed it in one uncouth swallow.

"Delicious." Naruto licked his lips and placed the cup back down on the tea dish, darting out into the darkened hall.

The Uchiha let out a deep breath once Naruto was long gone. He supposed it might be too much to hope that the blond bastard would get hit with a lightning bolt out there.

"You're looking quite smug about something," Sasuke noted as his maid poured his tea into another glass and handed it to him.

"Oh, pardon me," Kinume replied with a warm smile. "I couldn't help imagining what his expression might be once the laxatives I slipped into his drink kick in."

The raven-haired genius almost coughed into his glass, making a mental note to be on the lookout during training the next morning, as he didn't doubt that Naruto would seek some revenge despite the good turn Sasuke had done him tonight with the Genjutsu materials.

The more he pondered the situation, the more pleased he was with the outcome. He could have used the scrolls to coerce Naruto into answering his questions, but it was better to have the blond in his debt, and more rewarding too. Naruto's abrupt change in attitude made it quite clear that he didn't like owing someone else and Sasuke decided to make his teammate stew over the issue a while longer, to _his_ advantage.

'_You didn't inherit all the genius around here.'_ Sasuke glared up at his older brother's picture on the wall.

Itachi's portrait could give no answer, but its inscrutable smile seemed to mock him nonetheless.

**End Chapter Three**


End file.
